The Little Yogini That Could...

Dear Friends - herein my humble offering:

2011-01-01T04:38:00.000-08:00

The first thought that entered my mind this morning -

this very first day of a New Year -

in those first moments -

the first breath - was,

"What do I have to offer?"

In other words...

I have this perpetual longing to show my gratitude to my friends and family and students and clients and business associates...

those I refer to as my "circle of light."

This is not an advertisement.

Nor a mass mailing.

Not some "blurb" strategically created in order to get or keep business.

Straight from my heart...

"I. AM. GRATEFUL."

But sometimes, I honestly feel like the little drummer boy...

I don't get holiday cards out in time, or sometimes not at all.

A gazillion "thank you's" are in my heart and mind all the time

that unintentionally slip through the cracks of daily life.

One question remains...

"What do I have to offer as an expression of honor and gratitude to those have supported me in 2010?"

The answer enters my mind promptly

and in a most simplistic form...

"Give of your Self.

your time.

your energy.

your best."

Is it enough?

When I think of all that you so graciously give to me ---

that is what means the most.

your time.

your energy.

your best.

So, that is what I am offering in return.

At 12:00 noon on New Year's Day, I will begin sending out long-distance Reiki healing for those who would like to receive it.

It's what I have to give.

If you are interested, please drop me a quick line @ cammiesmom89@comcast.net.

May you be well.

May you be Divinely guided and protected.

May you be blessed with abundant joy and prosperity.

May you be free.

Namaste,

Tina

Ring Around the Choices...

2010-12-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

I occasionally work with kids who have emotional and behavioral disorders, using yoga as a therapeutic vehicle. They are awesome! I learn so much from them. Luvs my kids! :-)

We play a game - a kind of "vogue" with yoga poses...

In the game, they walk/run/skip/dance around in a circle. And, when I say "freeze" they are to move into a yoga pose of their choice and hold it for three deep breaths. Then we begin again.

Cute, fun lil game, eh? - good practice and test of their knowledge of the yoga poses.

I haven't taught them for a while. Seems none of the parents have the cash, and the insurance companies are buckling down on what they will pay for...

I miss my kids terribly and was thinking about them this morning. Their faces. Their little quirkles. Their personalities. Their delicious hugs!

I imagine them running around in that circle...and remember their faces in the mirror as they gazed at themselves.

It didn't always go so well - not the fun and games one may imagine...

Oftentimes, it was quite a challenge for them...not the remembering the poses part. The part about choosing what they wanted to "be" next...a warrior? a tree? a lazy crocodile? a monkey swinging from the trees? And then, once the choice was made, they had to stay in it and breathe - even if they decided that wasn't the one they really wanted to be, which happened alot.

Almost certainly, there would be a meltdown or tantrum or someone who decided they didn't want to play anymore. Sometimes they would even lash out at one another in frustration.

My main "job" was to nudge, console, and remind them about the many underlying principles of this little game I had created for them. But mostly, I encouraged them to help one another through it - to work together as One - and hopefully help to develop their social and communication skills - which is, after all, the goal of therapy in this particular setting.

I remember saying things like:

"There is always another chance -
another choice...
Be still and silent.
Breathe.
Listen to the 'voice' inside your mind...
In just a moment you'll have the opportunity
to make another choice...
In every moment...
there is a chance for change."

Hmmm.

Quite an interesting thought to swirl around in your coffee on a snowy, Sunday morning...

the poetess is silenced.

2010-10-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

i awaken

to the sound

of pouring rain.

and

somehow it feels

disrespectful

to make any other sound.

quiet my breath

forcing it

to a crawl

and search

for something

in between

splattered drops

on a window pane.

b-r-e-a-t-h-e.

searching

the rain slows

my world dims

dampened leaves

cling to the glass castle

surrounding my soul.

the

sky

weeping.

I speak

to my own ears,

"listen. listen."

am.

only.

a little girl.

You.

are.

strong

and brave.

in the distance

the world

rushes by.

i scream

within the chambers

of the hollowed

cave

that is

my being.

descending acorns

crash

against

a wooden railing

and

crack

open

falling

to the ground.

your perpetual reminder

only me.

years

rush

through me.

and saturate

my soul.

quickly.

forcefully.

a tipped vessel

but one

existence.

i hold my face in my hands

tight

and try squeeze

something

out of

me.

in the darkness

behind my closed eyes

you

are

an ember.

blown -

scattering

remnants

in swirling

autumn winds.

i inhale.

they grow.

i exhale.

they radiate.

you.

are.

amazing.

grace.

we serve.

we.

yet

am.

blind.

and

can't find

"the tree"

without my light.

Bringin up the rear.....

2010-10-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

I walked the labyrinth yesterday with about ten other women. I had been looking forward to this for such a long time...part of a much-anticipated full day of events for women...

Just as I had imagined ~

I could hear the leaves and acorns crunching beneath our feet.....

I could hear the lovely sounds of chimes echoing in the trees...

I could feel the sun warming my face and breeze blowing through my hair...

I could feel the undeniable synergy that was created by our footsteps on the Earth...

I fondled remarkably smooth acorns and stones in my hands as I kissed Mother Earth with my feet...

EVERYTHING was EXACTLY as I had ANTICIPATED.

How often does that happen?!

That would have been enough for me. More than enough.

Isn't life peculiar though? So many things had NOT gone according to plan when considering the whole day/event. Yet - we went with the flow - and it turned out even better that way...

But the labyrinth walk ---

Now THAT met every expectation and then some...

I had asked my partner to lead, because I was concerned about "confining" participants with my slow and careful footsteps. Seems every step I take these days is carefully calculated.

A disabled woman, older than I, was in front of me. What a joy she was! She had really engaged and interacted with the group during her couple of hours there. I was concerned about her safety in walking the labyrinth. Concerned that she may tire or trip. She didn't seem concerned at all. Isn't that funny? She wore her coat, and carried her purse, despite my offer to take them for her. I thought that was so cute. Reminded me alot of my Nana...

A couple of times I checked in with her - asking if she was ok. She just kept smiling and walking. "How are you doing?" I asked. "I'm doing great!" she says.

Smiling.
Walking.

Smiling.
Walking.

I kept thinking about how tired she must be. But, she didn't seem to be thinking about that at all.

Smiling.
Walking.

Smiling.
Walking.

As I looked down at my feet...the grass...the leaves...I kept seeing her feet...her shoes...her cane...passing mine. At the "turns" she didn't wobble. Sometimes she paused; but then...she just kept walking. My feet wobbled more than hers!

That's pretty noteworthy, don't you think?

My. feet. wobbled. more. than. hers.

And, to me, it is quite impressive that she walked that entire labyrinth - a quarter mile in - a quarter mile out. I wonder how many more miles she has walked on this Earth than I have?

Whew.

My own words from the original Faces of Eve poem instantly come to mind:

"I have so much to learn...
so much to learn...
still - I've come a long, long way...
one day I'll get it...
I'll get it all the way..."

So, I don't really know the "gist" of this post, except just sharing, and thinking that ---

there's much to be said for humbling yourself and playing the role of "caboose."

So, ummmmm...

2010-10-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

It's almost my birthday! :D

So I decided to do something I've never done before.

I'm gonna try to make one of my own wishes come true!

I've imagined creating a sacred space for women...

A haven of reprieve - comfort - joy...

I've dreamed of women laughing until they cry...

And crying until they laugh...

Aaaahaaa moments...

And feeling better when they leave.

No real schedule...

No pressure or deadlines...

No judgment, criticism, or competition...

Lots of breathing...

Nurturing...

And celebrating this Season of balance and transformation.

I've dreamed of sharing my passions...

And hearing about yours...

Basking in sunlight...

Bathing in moonlight...

Invoking some bliss...

And stirring a thing or two...

So, whatdya say? Wanna help make one girl's birthday wish come true?

You're Invited!!!!!

Hit me with your best shot

2010-09-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember the infamous "tree ordeal" here on Quince Court?

These are the trees that were damaged in the absolutely HORRID Winter of 2009/10. They hung, in a severe state of scoliosis, for some six months. We finally got them upright and tied up a few months ago. The "tree guy" said it will take up to a year to know if they are going to survive.

Hmmm...*biting lip*

I look at these trees every day. I nurture them with thoughts of loving kindness and encouragement. I examine their roots and wounds often to see if there's anything I can do for them. I AM their caretaker, after all.

In the end - I know it's not up to me - that part about whether they "make it" or not. But, I'm committed to doing the best I can for them while they are here, even as they struggle with impeded breath and broken limbs.

I've been thinking alot about that this morning.

All of life is uncertainty, isn't it?

Let me say that again.

All of life is uncertainty.

As humans, we get a little rattled by that word. Well, at least I know I do. Sometimes I wish it could just magically disappear from the dictionary. *POOF* "Uncertainty, be gone. We don't need you around here anymore."

If we really don't KNOW a damn thing -
if everything is uncertain all of the time -
why not just throw our hands up in the air, throw in the towel, wave the white flag, and declare it a loss?

It's like investing months of training into a 10k - showing up on time - running your ass off - faster than ever before in your life - finishing the race - and then...
realizing, you never moved an inch off the starting line at all.

What do I have to learn from looking at trees - morning after morning - investing time and energy into - *pause* - the irrefutable uncertainty of their existence?

What. is. up. with. THAT. Tina?

Sometimes I think that absolutely nothing will happen with those trees for an entire year. They will give me no sign of CERTAINTY. In fact, I would almost bet on it.

Some days - like today - they will look like they are gleefully showering in the pouring rain. Shining themselves up. Feeding their roots. Smiling, and singing...."ain't nuthing wrong with ME!"

Other days I suspect they'll look pale. Probably this Winter. Yep. Scraggly. Thin. Sad. As if to say, "what do YOU expect from me?"

Yeah, that's it.

What if we, as humans, shouted that question out to the Universe.

"What do you expect from me?

"What do you expect from me?"

"WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME?"

Heh.

I don't know about you but, my Holy Universal Enlightened Voice of Certainty, does not respond over the loud speaker!

In fact, She's more like a wry-smiled mischievious sprite taunting from behind a tree......

"pssssstttt......over here........first ya gotta catch me! nyah nyah!"

I imagine myself grabbing her by her raggedy little hem, jacking her up a bit and saying, "Hey, you are MINE. Speak clearly. Slowly. And in English. You better straighten up and fly right!"

We look each other straight in the eyes.

And, very softly but assuredly She whispers,

"Do your best. Stand up tall. Breathe. Nurture you Self. Put one foot in front of the other. And, as for the rest - I got this one, k?" *winks*

...

...

...

And...

well...

How can I resist a face like that?

SOMETHING is STIRRING OUT THERE!

2010-09-22T04:49:00.000-07:00

Excuse me, Dear Tina, but why are you up at 5:30 a.m.? Don't you have a busy day ahead of you?

I toss a little this way.

Adjust pillows.

Turn that way.

I get up. Get some juice. Go to the bathroom.

Aaah. The cat is by the front door and wants to go out. His normal routine. Must mean he's feel better. Whew. Thank you, God, once again! Whew. OK, that's why I woke up. Max.

But...

I can't go back to sleep.

Something is stirring

Now the dog is what's stirring! He wants to go out.

I stand outside on the back deck waiting for him and feel it in the air ---

Something is stirring.

I notice it's not quite as cool as it has been the past few mornings. No, not uncomfortable out here at all.

It's quite pleasant, actually.

I get tired of standing - waiting for the dog - and sit down on my chaise. My gosh, it feels good out here! I chuckle. Usually I'm sitting in this very spot trying to soak up a little Vitamin D while I work or study. Now, I sit on a chair meant for sunbathing, moon and star-bathing!. Ha. Leave it to me! But - wow - it feels good out here!

Strange - the thoughts that come to me when I'm one-eye-opened. Maybe I'm in a state of exhaustion-related delirium? "OK, this is crazy, Tina."

"Shut up, you voice, you voice of reason, you! Something is stirring out here and I can't miss it!"

I go make coffee. Get my two very favorite blankets. Dog is now asleep under the bed. I tell him we're going outside. Apparently he doesn't believe me! lol "Snooze or lose, Duke. Something is stirring."

He follows me to the deck - head down, long ears swaying as he walks. He looks at me as I settle in on the lounger with coffee and blankets. You know that look - he turns his head from side to side in bewilderment - it looks like he's shaking his head and rolling his eyes at me! :D

Friends, I really don't care anymore. Summer is escaping through my fingertips like grains of sand. I cling to the Summer Triangle like a toddler being dropped off at daycare, shredding her mother's hem.

But, there is something going on out here. I've been feeling it, haven't you? Autumn, of course. Transformation, of course. Life, death, rebirth. Balance of night and day. All of that, certainly. But, there's something different...that I can't quite pinpoint.

Something is stirring.

I recline...study the contrast between the blackened arms of the trees and the night sky. Funny how it looks like the trees are chasing the stars. The stars taunting, "catch me if you can!" I close my eyes and I'm reminded of how much the rustling leaves mimic the sounds of the ocean. "If you close your eyes and listen, you can be anywhere."

My blanket smells like the Sea. My best childhood friend and I have the same blankets and we hang them on the deck when we visit the ocean together and then vow not to wash that glorious scent from them until we see one another again. Crazy, I know. But, don't knock it til you try it. It works! And it serves as a very important reminder for me, in certain moments, like now.

I top off my coffee. Come back outside. Sit.

And, I notice something I have never noticed before. There is an aura surrounding the trees. I see it in one large tree at first. I squeeze my eyes closed and open them again. Am I seeing things? I take off my reading glasses. No, there is definitely an aura surrounding that tree! Duh, Tina - it is a living breathing being! I trace the pinkish-purple line of energy surrounding this tree, and guess what? It connects to the tree next to it! And the one next to that one! I trace the whole-of-the-horizon with my eyes. When a tree moves, its aura grows. When a tree is still, the aura softens, settling into itself. How about that?! How TELLING is that?!

The stars slow dance across the paling sky. I look way over in the distance. The aura is still there. Huge. Huge huge huge! Scattering energy allllllllllll over the place!

I. am. humbled.

Where are the stars going? I was going to take a nap under the stars! It's like they are disappearing one by one. Quickly! I wonder if I could keep my eye on just one - until it sinks into the vast sky. Suddenly, I feel sad, and shout inside the resounding walls of myself, "Don't go. Don't go!" I am reminded of how far I have to go when it comes to aparigraha, i.e., "non-attachment." *I just looked down at the keyboard to type that sentence, and when I look back up, my star is gone*. My star is gone. My. star. is. gone. But I'm still here... WHAT DO WE DO WITH THAT?????

I notice that it's almost like they are blowing away in the breeze. Closest to me are the swirling leaves. I can see them now, as the indigo sky rolls into lavendar. Yes, that's what the sky looks like right now - lavendar caressing cinnamon - fading auras - and vanishing blue-white stars.

To me, it's quite ironic that as the stars ascend and dissolve into the distance, the descending leaves become more visible. Like a tradeoff. A reminder that we are never left with nothing to hold on to.

I notice the very top of one of the evergreens (I think they are?) There are a few leaves poised - perfectly balanced - on it's strong shoulders. They'll only be there for a moment. And when the next little gust comes, they'll float away. The tree will still stand. I imagine the branches heavy with snow in a few short months - the tip still reaching for the sky - strong - head held high. I place a bet with myself that several months from now I'll be able to connect a star in the distance with the tip of that tree, much like a children's connect-the-dots book. A Christmas tree. Outside. A really big one. With no mess, no fuss. MY kind of Christmas tree. I try to mark a spot in the sky, like you would make a pencil mark on the wall to show your kid how much they've grown in a short period of time. I wonder how much that tree will have grown when springtime finally arrives. I long for it already, and imagine the tree looking very happy. Really, really green, encircled in a halo of light....it's very own aura....

*sigh*

It's quite curious how, in the past hour, I haven't heard the cars in the distance at all. Now they seem to get louder and louder with people hustling and bustling around - hurrying off to work.

I look up. No more stars. The pallid periwinkle sky covers me like a blanket.

I go inside.
Warm coffee.
Grab a pillow and my cell phone.
Chuckle at the dog who is back under the bed.

Just that quickly, the birds have starting moving. The neighbor pulls out of her driveway, headed to her job in DC. I think to myself that I hope she is going to a job she loves today.

I snap a feeble photo of the sky with my cell phone - my paltry attempt to capture a moment. I'm always doing that, aren't I? "You can't capture moments, Tina. You just can't capture a moment. One little breeze and it will just blow away. Or disappear into the sky."

I hereby resist the urge to go back and make this post "pretty."
Hell, I may not even spellcheck it.
Nothing is perfect. Nobody is perfect.
And, everything is changing.
Fast.

Something is stirring.

Something is stirring.

Something is stirring!

I get a little nervous for just a moment.

"What if's" poke at my insides.

But...

how could it be anything but GOOD, with a sky like this following my every move?

If it makes you happy............

2010-09-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

...and this most certainly does!!!!

Chronicles of the Stripper (based on a true story) by Tina

2010-09-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

So...ummm...I'm selling skincare products.

No...no one has hijacked my laptop. It's me - Tina! :)

No...no one is holding me hostage. It's me - Tina! :)

No one bribed me or coerced me or promised me anything. It's me - Tina! :)

I am the one who wears the T that says "can I be honest with you?" Remember? yeah! ME!

So, about the stuff...

In short, here's what happened:

My good friend, Jacqueline who lives alllllllll the way over there in Cali, starting selling Beauty Society products. I was interested - but mostly just to help her her out. She has helped me out quite a few times over the years - this is how women support one another, right? :)

So, I sampled a few things, and bought maybe a product or two, just to help Cap'n Jacq. I never expected much. Eh? Skincare products? I dunno - none of them ever do what they claim. In essence - THEY LIE - or at least fib! And, honestly...after all these years of trying this and that - and, a few times even going over the top for some "miracle" product - I had just dropped everything and settled on very very basic and simplistic skincare. Oatmeal, honey, witch hazel, and the like...cheap, and kinda sorta 75% worked for me.

So, I'm using these Beauty Society samples here and there and all of a sudden I start noticing little things. Like - ummmm, WHERE did my pores go? Ummm, why is my face not shiny at noon? And, heyyy...my face kinda feels good to the touch. Hmmmm. Did the Midlife Fairy Godmother pay me a visit or sumn? *grins*

I could only surmise it was the Beauty Society products. That was the only thing I had changed. I certainly had NOT won the lottery and gone for a professional microdermabrasion treatment - cuz, I woulda remembered that!

Now I'm wanting MORE. My samples are running out. Eh. I'm not sure I can afford these products. I talk to Jacq. Together we conclude that I could buy the whole "Diva Kit" as they call it, for the same price as a few of the products I really wanted.

Me? A consultant? Salesperson? DIVA?!!!! Nah......

Still unconvinced, I piecemeal a few more products.

I'm happy. Things are goin goooooood. Less maintenance. Less makeup. Easy. Simple. Feels good. Free - and you know how I feel about my freeeeeedom!!!!!!!!!!

I run out of The Stripper and think, "Oh well, I'll just go back to witch hazel or some other toner or astringent thingy." No problem, right? Not a big deal.

Uh-oh.....here comes that army o' large pores a marchin in. Where were those guys anyway, extended lunch break? And, blotchiness! Hey...what's goin on around here? Ohhhhhh.......I had been using that stuff called Drama Free and ran out of that too.

Begeeeeeeeeeeeeeze. Is it possible I am addicted to skincare products? In such a short period of time? I didn't even feel that coming on. I must being suffering from withdrawal! Somebody phone Intervention pronto!

Well, I didn't email Intervention, but I did email Cap'n Jacq! "Get me some of that Stripper and Drama Free stuff STAT, Jacq!" She says to me, "Tina, I'll send you out these two products, but this is insane, woman! You could have bought the whole kit and more by now!" I tell her to give me a day - cuz that's just how I am, yanno ;)

It's a few days later, and I wave the white flag.

"Alright, Jacq. You got me. I'm IN." (and hurry up and send me the stuff before I change my mind!)

Well, let me tell you - whomever is reading this...

It has been Christmas in September ever since. Not only did I get The Stripper and Drama Free but I got the kit and more more more. No extra cost! Big boxes are arriving at my doorstep!!!!!!! Oh my!!!!!! Gifts! Extras! A huge, very sturdy duffle bag on wheels, which I used immediately for a yoga overnighter. Nice notes and lots of special attention. Good grief! The mice have set Cinderella freeeeeeeeeee. I am feeling like a princess and wonder if someone has made a mistake!

It takes me a few days to settle back to Earth.....

I sit in the floor of my office, surrounded like a kid at Christmas-time, thinking to myself, "OK, this is all well and fine and wonderful but...how am I supposed to embody the persona of a 'Diva' and sell these products? WHO are you kidding, Tina?"

I bite my lip. Chew a fingernail or two. Twist my hair.

I'll use my daughter as a guinea pig! After all, she IS the only person on this Earth I can flat out order to do something! *grins* I give her a small sample of the Set Me Free cleanser and beg her to try it. She says she will, but I have my doubts. Now, this girl is extremely picky about what she uses on her face - even moreso than I am! She has very sensitive and finicky skin and any change in routine is just asking for disaster. She's also as stubborn as a cute lil newborn mule :) A few days later she calls me out of the blue and says exactly this, "Mom, my face feels SO good. And, I can't believe it's the afternoon and it's not oily at all!"

NOW, I smile. :)

Next, I have to decide on a ummm....."business approach. " bleh.

It didn't take me long though!

Here's what I came up with: Very simply, I am going to be honest. That's it!

Hey, it works in the other facets of my livelihood, doesn't it? And, my platform is authenticity and empowering women, after all.

So, that's it. I'm being honest with YOU and YOU and YOU and YOU (and all of your friends and family).

1. The stuff works. It does what it says it will.

2. You can get free samples, OR, if you purchase something and don't care for it, there is a bottom-of-the-bottle, money-back guarantee from the company and from ME. You already know you can trust me!

3. If, by any chance, you decide, as I did, to buy the Diva Starter Kit - you will be treated like royalty. I am NOT kidding. And furthermore - even if you never sell a single thing, you still get insane discounts on the product. (I figured, hey - even if I can just fund my own "habit" what would be wrong with that?!)

4. Browse the labels! You'll be just as pleasantly surprised as I was to see ingredients like: tea tree, sage thyme, chamomile, and Vitamins A, C & E. I like that! :)

5. Beauty Society cares about the environment and getting the most for your money. Many of the products are available in a refill and I have noticed that the serums and cleansers go a very long way. You only need a little to get the job done. Seriously!

6. And, here's the clincher: Beauty Society has teamed up with Women for Women International - an organization that helps to support and empower women in war-torn countries. Now, that, I LOVE!

Here's my challenge for YOU:

Tell me - where is your current skincare program lacking?

Is there any one particular area you'd like to work on (for me it's dark circles under my eyes and old scars/blotchiness)?

I challenge you to try one product and let me know what you think. If you don't like it (but I know you will) - you get a full refund. Period.

What say ye?

https://www.mybeautysociety.com/tinamarks

Oh! And, did I mention makeup? :D

Lifescripts...

2010-09-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

Pride.

Accomplishment.

Joy.

Fulfillment.

Satisfaction.

Contentment.

Gratitude.

So often in life it takes a great deal of patience, hard work, persistence, and a whole lotta hiking and mountain-climbing in order to reach a goal or feel a sense of accomplishment in something I've done. FINALLY, I sit at the plateau, take a breather, dust off, and think to myself, "wow, what a ride that was!" Other times it's so effortless and fun and QUICK that it almost feels like an illusion or that I'm not worthy of it. Do they really call this a "job"?

This week has been filled with these emotions and more. I saw senior citizens sitting in "easy pose" comfortably - laughing - smiling - completely at ease. (If a person didn't know any better they may not realize how difficult it can be to master a pose with the word "easy" in its name.) I'm talking about people with arthritis and fibromyalgia and cancer and hip and knee replacements, who a mere ten weeks ago cringed at the mere thought of it! I saw them honor one another - for having the courage to just show up for yoga class and for life, balance in postures on one leg, and R-E-L-A-X (which also takes practice). And, to somehow have played a small part in them reaching their goals - well, it just overwhelms me at times.

Another one of my students who has been practicing with me for only a little over two years signed up for the first leg of yoga teacher training at my alma mater, Yama Studio, today. Wow. What a joy it has been to nurture this seed and watch her grow. It is truly one of the highest honors I have ever experienced. Tomorrow I will embark on a new leg of my own journey, having been asked to mentor a new group of student-teachers in training.

Looking back over the years, surely I see patterns that repeat themselves. We all do, don't we? Some things have been, are, and will continue to be tough, just tough, for me. Hopefully I'll learn some lessons along the way that will help make some of them a little easier. Maybe not. And, how old will I be by that time? *chuckles* But, there's one thing I've learned for certain...

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

This is life. And it can be hard. It's full of bitter and sweet. Most of us will have to work hard for everything we accomplish and everything we have in this lifetime. So, if we're going to work hard at this - why not choose a livelihood for yourself that reaps the kind of benefits that are priceless?

Seriously. I wish I'd learned that much earlier...

Thanks, Yama Studio!

Notes to Self...

2010-09-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

T-R-U-S-T

2010-09-04T16:32:00.000-07:00

I can't blog about trust again, can I?

Geeeeeze......this thing just keeps on poppin up!

I opened one of my all time-fav books, Until Today by Iyanla Vanzant this morning and this is what she has to say...

*(excerpts)*

Trust is never out there...

Trust is a decision...

Trust is not about looking for evidence that you are doing things right every step of the way as you move toward the end result...

Trust is not about getting something back for the work you do as a sign that you are doing the right thing...

Trust is based on your ability to stand your ground and rely on your own abilities, knowing that no matter what happens, you will be better off than you were at the beginning...

Something came up in my class with the seniors just the other day...

I was encouraging each of them to build trust within themselves - within their own bodies. We talked about how props and supports (i.e., chair wheelchair, wall) are precisely that - props and supports; but not the primary source of strength or stability. Get it? In other words, a walker becomes a hindrance and possibly a safety hazard if one is leaning on/into it, rather than just using it as a secondary tool to their own strength. Eh?

I left them with this question:

"WHO/WHAT do you trust the most - your Self or a prop?"

And, to turn the mirror around, I must ask:

"WHO/WHAT am I leaning on unnecessarily?"

It's YOUR TURN to Decide

2010-09-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

For some reason there seems to be a slight buzz about taking giant leaps swirling around this week. Coincidence? Perhaps. But not likely.

Anyway, I've been thinking about it alot - this giant leap thing. I have taken more giant leaps in the last five years than in my entire adult lifetime; and particularly in the last year.

Once the "Grand Tsunami of late 2009" hit, I was forced to reconsider, revamp, and redirect in more ways than I can count on my fingers and toes. Cuz, when a wave picks you up, tosses you around like t.p. going DOWN, then graciously sends you airborne and plants you at the top of a cliff - well, it can be a bit disorienting to say the least. "Where is my bathing suit top anyway?"

FOREIGN. TERRITORY.

MINIMAL. ENGLISH.

YIKES.

So, ya stand there - thankful to be in one piece - adjusting, brushing yourself off, pulling seaweed outta your eyelashes - and then take a look around. In my case - it's apt to be a LONG look around. I'm no good at uncharted waters, somewhat leery of heights, and - LEAP? heh. Sure. You go first!

There's a quote by Diane English...well, I'm not sure if she actually wrote it, but she uses it in her cards (which I absolutely love).

*momentary pause to add Diane English boxed cards to birthday/Christmas wish list.

LEAP!

and the net will appear.

That quote has been with me for years - and has gotten me through some pretty scary free falls. That's some pretty radical TRUST in the Universe she's talkin about right there, eh?

I had a conversation recently with a fellow businesswoman and friend, and she made this comment..

"When wondering how you'll wind up becomes less frightening to you than KNOWING how you'll end up if you stay [at the top of the mountain]...that's the right time [to leap].

Now THOSE are some words of wisdom! Yes! I am sure to get 200k miles out of that mantra!

So, I started thinking...ok, so maybe sometimes you aren't really at the top of a mountain. Maybe it just FEELS like a mountain. Maybe it's a medium leap. Or even a tiny one. A hill. Let's say a hill. Hey, if you aren't familiar with your surroundings, and you're not sure what's at the bottom or what happens if you just sit at the top - it's just as intimidating, methinks! How about if you're on the ground, but still feel frozen - paralyzed - afraid to take a step in any direction cuz you're not sure how it might turn out? Aaaaaaah...I recall that Anais Nin quote I used to having hanging on my bulletin board in my...ahem...corporate penthouse office...

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Oooooooooh yeah. Now. Now we're really getting into it!

*pause*

"Where's the closing paragraph?" you ask.

Today feels like a day for deciding for yourself, don'tcha think?

~ T ~

Ask me about......

2010-08-31T13:56:00.000-07:00

T-A-N-G-I-B-L-E H-O-P-E!

Me - practicing tree pose on my RIGHT FOOT - exactly 5 months post-op! (one doggie paw to the left, one doggie tail to the right - my head nurse)

Me and My Authenticity

2010-08-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

I realized something today.

I have had a crappy summer.

There. I said it.

Whew. I feel better.

Here's the thing about being authentic...

I reserve the right to speak the truth - My Truth - at any given time.

I reserve the right to be honest - even if it's not what I (or anyone around me) might want to hear.

I reserve the right to see the blessings and light even in the crappiest situations, but I'm not going to pretend.

I'm not one for magazine smiles.

I think I should leave it at that.

Cuz, that's just me --

and my goal is to be authentic.

"In Truth There is Love" by Elvira Amrhein

The Luvvvvv Lens

2010-08-14T13:06:00.000-07:00

Whew! Haven't had time to blog in a long while! And, looking at the date of my last post, it's been longer than I thought!

Here's the thing that's been most on my mind...

I was having a convo with a dear friend recently and she mentioned that her vow to herself is to "follow her heart." I said that mine is to "be authentic." Pretty cool chickies, eh? :)

Now, as background, it is important to note that both of us work from home and have our own businesses, so I think it's safe to say that our personal vows spill into our business and vice versa. I also think we are both doing a pretty good job!

I couldn't stop thinking about her philosophy - "Follow your heart."

Follow your heart.
Follow your heart.
Follow your heart?

REALLY?

REALLY.

REALLY?!

I had to really think about that. I mean, here's a person whom I really respect, who has great family relationships, many friends, a very successful business, and... she gets there by "following her heart"? Waaaaaiiiiiiit a minute. Wow! Hmmmm. I started having conversations with myself about the idea. Honestly, I'm not sure I have ever really tried it before - this following your heart thingie. Or, maybe I have and just don't remember?

I started thinking about the chakras and wondering if she really meant her heart - or did she mean emotions - or did she mean intuition? In any event, I decided that if she could follow her heart, I could follow mine! :)

This lasted maybe two days.

G-O-N-G

*chuckles at Self*

See...I am one of those wayward-heart kinda people. My heart does not have a level head! I was quite literally dizzy after two days of trying to follow my heart - head in the clouds, or in the Caribbean, be that as it may...Thinking of adopting goats for my backyard, or ditching everything for a stint with Royal Caribbean...I almost painted my living room green...not that there's anything at all wrong with green, but my living room is yellow and I love it being yellow! Whew! I'm losing my mind and have to get in child pose for a while!

"Maybe I need more practice or something," I thought to myself. "Is my heart too soft? Is it too hard? Too big, maybe? That's it. My heart's too fat. Yeah."

"Ummm......noooooooo, Tina. You know better than this. It ain't gonna fly - with you or anyone else."

By now I am 99% steeped in self-doubt and have to dig out my chakra books. Not that ten years of study hasn't sufficed, mind you. Why do I just now think I don't know what I'm doing? heh.

OK...

Root chakra - foundation, security, stability, survival

*got it*

Sacral chakra - simple pleasure, magnetic energy, "go with the flow"

*got it*

Solar plexus - will power, principles, self esteem, transformation

*check*

Heart chakra - open heart to all, unconditional love

And, to go even deeper...

The fourth chakra, the heart chakra,rests in the center of the chakra system, at the core of our spirit. Its physical location is the heart, upper chest, and upper back. The fourth is the balance point, integrating the world of matter (the lower three chakras) with the world of spirit (the upper three chakras). Through the heart chakra, we open to and connect with harmony and peace. The health of our heart center registers the quality and power of love in our life. In Sanskrit, the heart chakra is called Anahata, which means “unstruck” or “unhurt.” Its name implies that deep beneath our personal stories of brokenness and the pain in our heart, wholeness, boundless love, and a wellspring of compassion reside.

*revisit*

Throat chakra - communication, speaking your truth, expressing your own creativity to the "outer world"

*got it*

Third eye - intuition, visualization, clairvoyance

*check*

Crown chakra - connection to spiritual source, sense of "Oneness"

*yep, got it*

So, back to the heart chakra:

Yes, the fourth chakra is the bridge between the upper and lower chakras; the center.

I ponder that for a moment...

So, if I (or anyone else) don't follow my heart, then what am I following?

The answer comes instantly:

My intuition.

Yep, that's it. I'm an intuition kinda girl!

And, let's add wisdom too!

Whew. (Glad I pegged myself as something!)

Cross this project off the list.

But...wait a second...a girl can't live on third eye alone, can she?

Now I'm seeing the heart, not only as a bridge, but as a filter, or a lens. Yeah. How about that? How about if the first, second and third chakras are balanced and feeding through the heart - the center. And, the fifth, sixth, and seventh chakras are balanced and feeding through the heart? Now, this could be g-o-o-d! Yes, this I think I can do. Or, at least try! :)

Another friend had said to me earlier this week, "How is it that you are always so rational?" heh. That's mostly those upper chakras, isn't it? Being so-called rational is not emotional or necessarily pleasurable. It's pretty much black and white. I'm known for saying things like, "It is what it is. Now let's get on with the program." I'd certainly like to think I'm always respectful and courteous and conscientious of others' feelings. Yes. But, I also have never thought of filtering everything through a love lens. Maybe I could. Maybe we all could. It doesn't mean we have to be ooey gooey, blissed-out, head in the clouds, or Mother Teresa, does it? It doesn't mean I have to go around talking about, "love, love, love." But, it might be a more palatable way to integrate and open that heart chakra for those of us who are not really "follow-your-heart people." :)

This was not the easiest exercise, for certain. But, I'm glad I did it, and learned from it. Just goes to prove that - whatever your personal philosophy or vow or mantra is - it's always worth revisiting, relearning, and tweeking as necessary.

*info on chakras from: Moi, Chakra for Beginners by David Pond, and Yoga Journal.

*for beginners who are interested in learning more about the chakras, I highly recommend Olivia Miller's Chakra Deck.

*"Love might be great but why lose your head?" ~ Sheryl Crow ~

Music Depends on Silence

2010-07-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

If you know me much, you'll know that I simply love Sheryl Crow. Beyond being a remarkably gifted writer, vocalist and musician, I have read and listened to innumerable interviews conducted with her over the years, and I honor her willingness to share of herself freely, her authenticity, and her courage in advocating that which she feels most passionate about.

Having been perhaps the first in line at Dunkirk Walmart to purchase her new album, "100 Miles From Memphis" I slipped the disc into my car player with bated breath and listened all the way through. I may have listened to it some 5 or 6 times since, but something kept bringing me back to this particular song.

It is a given that not everyone cares to dissect music the way I do. Most are quite content in rolling with the genre of their choice and enjoying the ride. I have done this for as long as I can remember. Even as a teen, I remember playing songs over and over again on the record player (I don't mind dating myself) and singling out parts, e.g. only the drum beats this time, only the melody this time...more Octagon Peg-ish phenomena for the Tina bucket.

So, I was listening to this song this and wondering, "what it is about this song that so easily and fully captivates me?" Soul-stirring melody, for sure. Thought-provoking lyrics, yes. But, that's not it. No......what is it? I close my eyes and listen once more, and come to this interesting conclusion.

What is so strikingly evident in this song is the way she harnesses her energy.....drawing in and capturing her own breath.......pausing.......and then deciding how to use it next. Much like a lioness, who easily shifts at a moment's notice, from licking her cubs to warning a potential predator with a fierce roar lit from the deepest depths of her soul. This is the essence of the Divine Feminine in its purest and rawest sense.

What a tremendous model for all of womankind! Most assuredly, I will never sing like Sheryl Crow. But, I do intend to practice this today...so, if you happen to see me pause for a moment...well...you'll know.

How will we choose to use our energy today?

Winged Subtleties

2010-07-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

"Hey, nice lady. You, in the Honda. Pssssssst. Over here. I'm really hurt, and I'm flopping all around on this hot concrete. I can't fly. It's h-o-t. Can you help me? Yeah, over here........."

"Easy...easy. Remember, don't touch my wings, k?"

"Aaaaaaaah...yes...much better. Should I be afraid of you?

See? I have a paper cut in my wing. See? I can't fly anymore. I've been trying all day. I'm getting really tired now. And the concrete is burning the rest of my body."

"You're really nice. Thanks for being so gentle. Wanna hold hands? I can feel your pulse, can you feel mine?"

"Listen, I don't have much longer to live. Do you think you could find a peaceful spot for me in the shade?"

"And, before you go.........

Thanks."

Troubled?

2010-07-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

An old friend contacted me recently to see how I was doing, which I greatly appreciate.

And, buried within our (email) conversation lay this simple question...

"Are you troubled?"

I'm not even sure she meant it that way, but more likely used it as a figure of speech.

But, that one, three-word sentence stopped me dead in my tracks and really got me thinking. And, more specifically that one word - troubled.

My response read something like this:

Troubled? That's an interesting word, and I'm glad you made me think about it for a minute. Thanks for that.

Certainly, a plethora of troubleS - surges, thorns, storms, embers - are subject to swirl and threaten any one of us at any space in time. TroubleS? Sure.

But, troubleD? Whew. If you really think about it, troubled is an adjective - a word that describes or characterizes, envelopes, surrounds, and maybe even becomes one /noun/. Penetrates. Seeps. Permeates. Saturates. Maybe even - dare I say - controls? All these words began to crowd my mind and yes, trouble (verb) me! They - those guys - the splinters, debris, embers, waves (life's troubles) certainly have enough power to bruise, batter, prick, and tousle. But permeate or penetrate the spirit? Wow. I hope not. Otherwise, I'm in big trouble (noun) and so are alot of others! Of course, this is all according to the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Perspective According to Tina. *chuckles*

So, knowing me, I don't need to tell you what I did next.....

trouble - noun -

A cause or source of distress, disturbance, or difficulty

Yes! Yes, that's what I meant.

On the other hand:

troubled - adjective -

uneasy, anxious, restless, worried, disturbed,

beset (surrounded) by problems or conflict.

Just reading that makes me feel very h-e-a-v-y, and slightly claustrophobic. You?

*sigh and whew*

Trust me, friends, it's not that I don't think despair holds a valid place in human emotion.

But more that I wonder how long one could sit in it before it seizes their soul.

Friends ~

May we not be troubled.
May our hearts remain pure and safe.
May the wings of our souls always be light.
May we be granted the strength and wisdom
to arise in spirit each and every new day.
And the unshakable confidence
to ride out the storms.

I Am A Beginner

2010-07-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was able to execute several balancing poses on my right foot.

Can you imagine what arose in my solar plexus and heart?!

When you are literally thrilled to the core, it becomes a challenge to relax and breathe.

But, instead of hopping up and down on my one foot (which would have been ok too)......

I decided to try to settle in to that feeling and just allow the swirling energy to expand and radiate throughout the rest of my body.

Imagine a delightful, playful, fluttering, swirling vortex of energy in your center that you purposely allow to seep, trickle, and rise freely, wherever it may roam in your Being. By nature, it will take the path of least resistance. To me that means, the more I relax, the more I soften, the more I breathe, the further it can go. Yes.

Relax.

Soften.

Breathe.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

For just that moment, I feel as if I could balance forever...on one healing foot. One beginner foot. One baby foot. A foot that is starting over from the very beginning.

I say to myself, "Maybe I could somehow capture this moment...this feeling...this concept. If only I could...and somehow share it......"

Relax.

Soften.

Breathe.

When I place my other foot back on the floor, I realize...the swirling is still there.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Aaaaah haaaaaa.......

Suddenly, I no longer remember which specific pose I was in. And, I kinda don't care.

I love that.

I. Love. That.

A remembrance - of WHY this is my passion - my joy - and my purpose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am 100% smitten with this "return to beginner" phase I have been forced into. In fact, I think I want to be considered a beginner forever. In this way, I am always learning and expanding and growing with my students. This perspective allows me to release assumptions and expectations. And grants us all blessed freedom.

May we always remain young, playful, child-like in our perspectives

toward growing and learning.

May we soften into our Selves.

May we turn ourselves inside out.

For as long as we live.

Brimming

2010-07-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

First of all - 6:30 is waaaaay too early for me to awaken on a Saturday morning!

WHAT is going on here?!

I wave the white flag and meander into the kitchen to make coffee......

What's that noise?

Oh my! Are you kidding me?!

R-A-I-N!
R-A-I-N?
R-A-I-N!

After all these days of scorched, crinkly grass and bent over plants, TODAY it rains? Oh, No! I have some help coming to assist with our broken fence TODAY!

This has become a very serious issue lately, as my beloved Duke is as curious and mischievious as a dog can get. It's dangerous. It's worrying me. There are thick woods. There is a major road nearby. There are other dogs and critters and people shooting in the woods (another story for another day)! There is ME hobbling all around the neighbor crying and calling for him. Lather, rinse, repeat, multiply by 100, and you get the message.

So, the long awaited fence repair day is finally here, and now it is POURING outside?!

M-E-R-C-Y!

Now he is wanting to go out there - scratching at the door. Great. Just G-R-A-N-D! Everyone is asleep and I am in my pajamas.

*white flag*

I'll admit to mumbling a few choice words under my breath. For crying out loud!!!!!

"OK, Boy, but you are going to have to wait until the coffee's done!"

I step outside, with him on the leash -
consider putting my shoes on, and then decide, why ruin my shoes?
Standing on the porch, I notice all of my little flowers and plants - dripping. They seriously look delighted. Relieved. Grateful.
My watering bucket and some of the planters are literally spilling over.

"OK, Buddy. Hurry up. Stay close to the front porch so Mama doesn't get drenched."

heh. meh. NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

What makes me think a curious dog is going to want to stay within 25 feet of the front porch? I coulda had a V-8 for that matter!

*white flag*

I give in -
walk the length of the sidewalk -
out into the driveway.
The air is thick. Hot. What's new?
Steam is rising all about my feet.
I am wishing I had my camera.
By now, I'm officially getting soaked.

*white flag*

I walk over to the side yard to see if that will appeal to him. *chuckles*

Something is different. There is no resounding, crunchy, dead noise in response to my footsteps. There are clumps of dirt and grass literally sticking to my bare feet. One piece of my "were-bangs" is clinging to my temple; the tip of it pokes me in the eye. Suddenly a wave of embarrassment rolls over me. What if someone sees me out here with this wet nightgown clinging to my body? I look around. (As if I could actually DO something about it if they were peeking out the window.) No lights on. Nothing moving, except a few branches on the trees. The sail on my temple bell chimes is slowly swirling - not enough to make so much as a single sound - slowly, quietly, gently, stirring...like a spoon in cake batter.

An unexpected wave of cool relief and release rolls over my head and trickles down my shoulders. I breathe in the scent of this glorious sustenance literally pouring over me from the skies. So clean. So new. So cooooooooooool.

Soak it up.
Breath it in.
Capture. this. moment.

By now, I simply cannot resist walking up the hill of our long driveway. Funny how I no longer care if anyone sees me. My buddy is soaking wet and having a grand ole time, sniffing around and trudging through the mud. Clearly, this is a relief for him too. He is in desperate need of a cut. And his thick, wooly coat has really been bothersome this last week or so with the intense heat and humidity we've had. He seems so happy. The plants and trees seem so happy. My feet literally feel happy. My heart feels happy. Yeah. Light. Cleansed. Content.

Oh! I forgot about the fence project. Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to be frustrated right now, aren't I?

I can't help but grin and snicker at my nincompoop Self as I head back to the front door. Wow. Whoa. This is how we get soooooooooo wrapped up in the tangled web of our busy lives, isn't it? So set in our schedules. So angry when things don't go according to OUR plan.

Duke and I sit on the front porch. He lays down, and just watches the rain. I rock in the rocker and watch too.

The fence is broken.
And can't be fixed yet.
Maybe I just need to surrender.
Wave the white flag.
Walk the dog on his leash for a few more days.
IN THE RAIN.
IN THE SUNSHINE.
OR IN THE COMBO MEAL.

I feel different now.
I go to sip my coffee, and realize that the rain has splashed in it and cooled it off too.
My reading glasses, which had been shoved ontop my head, are splattered.
I dry my feet, arms, and hair with a towel.
I try to dry the dog. He runs away.
I shake my head and chuckle to my Self.

I sit on the edge of the bed, and notice the breeze from the ceiling fan meeting my dampened skin. Goose bumps promptly arise.

And, I think to myself -
What a GLORIOUS way to start the day.
There is not a sound to behold inside this house.
But if I stop -
hold my breath for a moment -
I can hear the raindrops splashing on the window pane.

Gentle reminders.

As if to whisper......

"Yes, it's true.
We sometimes go away for a while.
Maybe a long while.
But, we are still here.
To soothe
to cool
to cleanse
and comfort.
You don't always have to see!

Simply close your eyes -
and

remember."

"brimming"

Start HERE*

2010-07-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

Right here.

Right now.

Where we are TODAY.

Shall we?

There is something

some-thing

utterly fascinating

enchanting

and over-the-top

about this moment

about this day

about now.

Something about it's awakening

stretching

reaching forth to greet us.

There is something about *here*

the remnants of old

the promise of new

together under the same sun.

There is something momentous about it

about life and death

holding hands.

Something about yesterday

slowly slipping

through the cracks

until it is nothing

but a memory

a lesson

a drop under the bridge.

There is something about

last year

and ten years ago

scattered about

like pebbles

tiny acorn hats

grains of sand

in the corners

of our mind's eye.

There is something

some-thing

about exhaling

a moment ago

And inhaling

now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What shall we do?

wor-ship n. ardent devotion and adoration

2010-06-28T04:59:00.000-07:00

"No one lives outside the walls of this sacred place, existence."

~ St. Francis of Assisi ~

"When God said, 'My hands are yours,'

I saw that I could heal any creature in this world;

I saw that the divine beauty in each heart

is the root of all time

and space."

~ Rabia ~

"Everything I see, hear, touch, feel, taste,

speak, think,

imagine,

is completing a perfect circle

God has drawn."

~ Meister Eckhart ~

"Even

after

all this time

the sun never says to earth,

'You owe me.'

Look

what happens

with a love like that -

it lights the whole world."

~ Hafiz ~

"It could be said that God's foot is so vast

that this entire earth is but a

field on His toe,

and all the forests in this world

came from the same root of just

a single hair

of His.

What then is not a sanctuary?

Where then can I not kneel

and pray at a shrine

made holy by His

presence."

~ St. Catherine of Siena ~

"We see but dimly through the mists and vapors;
Amid these earthly damps
What seem to us but sad, funeral tapers
May be heaven's distant lamps."

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ~

"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children."

~ Haida Indian Saying ~

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

~ Henry David Thoreau ~

"Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant."

~ Maya Angelou ~

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

~ Matthew 11:28, King James Bible ~

"God is always coming to you in the Sacrament of the Present Moment. Meet and receive Him there with gratitude in that sacrament."

~ Evelyn Underhill ~

*all images copyright 2010 Tina Marks
*all images are the property of All Saints Episcopal Church and Tina Marks. Reproduction without the express written permission of the author strictly prohibited.

~ With the highest honor, respect, and gratitude to All Saints Episcopal Church, Sunderland for welcoming me, for their open door policy, and for allowing me to call this sacred space "home." ~

Every Day, All the Way

2010-06-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

I Will Not Die An Unlived Life

2010-06-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

What does that mean to you?

I have all kinds of thoughts and journal entries and images and sayings and daily actions and feelings on the subject!

But, rather than plant verbal seeds or skew what may reside in your imagination, I simply share this poem and a few images that resonate deeply within me........

Here's the poem by Dawna Markova that I embrace:

I will not die an unlived life.

I will not live in fear

of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days,

to allow my living to open me,

to make me less afraid,

more accessible;

to loosen my heart

until it becomes a wing,

a torch,

a promise.

I choose to risk my significance,

to live so that which came to me as seed

goes to the next as blossom,

and that which came to me as blossom,

goes on as fruit.

My Humble Prayer of Offering

2010-06-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

May I be always remember.

May it surge through my veins...

ripple through my fingertips...

emanate from every pore of my very Being.

May I be granted the clarity and wisdom

to embody and become it.

May my heart serve this Existence

as an open vessel

for all the days of my life.

And so it is.

"Giving Up Is Not An Option"

2010-06-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

What does this image depict to you?
*
*
*
I hope you will take a few moments to really study it....
*
*
*
What does it say to you?
*
*
*
What does it stir in you?
*
*
*
I. am. interested.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time...

I fell in love with a mermaid.

A shimmering creature

rising

from the depths

of the Majestic Sea.

An ethereal maiden

in mortal pursuit.

Emerging

from a

dark

perilous

sapping

journey.

Drenched.

Muddied.

Emphatically

weary.

Yet,

resolute.

Fierce tides

abate

her passage.

Her leer

anchored.

No-thing

dares

or threatens.

Traces

of a journey

anoint

silken limbs

cling hungrily

and

tumble

home.

A lone luster

fancies

her arm,

graces

her brow.

Silent

sentient

shepherds.

A Mystic Conquest.

A small sacrifice ~

for the Redemption

of an adrift

Self.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many years ago I literally fell in love with "How to Catch a Mermaid" by Margaret Dean. I didn't have the funds to buy the print at the time. But, I figured there was "plenty of time" ... I revisited this mermaid month after month, year after year, virtually - on the internet - anytime I felt like I needed a boost in confidence or determination.

A few years after I discovered her, I went back to purchase her and the artist had closed her shop. My heart dropped. My spirit shriveled.

I continued to admire her on the website, however....and printed poor quality reproductions - pasted on vision boards, pinned to my office bulletin board, hung on the refrigerator. Clearly, I needed this mermaid in my life.

Once, I found a fly-by-night website that advertised the image on some type of silk square. I had no use for a silk square at all....but I wanted the mermaid so desperately, I ordered it. I got ripped off. They took my money and never sent the product, or answered my emails.

Again, I was disappointed and disheartened.

I pretty much gave up.

Fast forward to 2010, when I host a women's manifestation circle for Midsummer's Eve. I shared my secret little inspiration with the members of the circle. They too were smitten.

Purely on a whim, I decided to give it one more try. Selina Fenech, whom I adore and have made several purchases from in the past, hosts a collective website for fairy artists. Much to my surprise, Margaret Dean has appeared in my life once again. Many of her gorgeous creations are profiled, but - no mermaid.

I drop a line, which I expect will never even be answered, asking if there is any chance of getting my hands on the mermaid. Selina is kind enough to contact Margaret Dean herself and ask permission, which Margaret graciously grants. I am so thrilled - I report back to the women's circle immediately!

Meanwhile, and unbeknownst to me, one of the women, Teresa, has been on a wild goose chase for weeks, trying to obtain the print for me. Can you believe that?! Can you believe any of this?!

Teresa asks if I will grant her the honor of purchasing the print for me, as she now truly grasps how much it means to me.

Wanna know the end of the story?

By now, I know you must! :)

~ all the way from the other side of the world, Australia ~

to my bedroom wall ~

*Please please please, forgive me Margaret Dean, for the crappy picture!

Yep! You read that right! She's on my bedroom wall - all these years and miles later!

There are so many lessons in this story. Lessons of women, pulling together, to help make another woman's dream come true. Lessons of sticking your neck out and having the courage to ask the Universe for what you need and want...laying it right there, on the table (really tough for me sometimes). Lessons in determination and perseverance. Lessons in honoring your Self and others. The list goes on and on, and I hope you will gather your own lessons and inspiration from my story.

I will never awaken the same again...

She is here.

Watching.

Nudging.

Holding my hand.

Whispering...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Giving up is not an option" has been a moniker for myself and my daughter for the last 21 years. She is probably sick to death of hearing it. But, I gotta tell ya - whomever is still listening - it has gotten us through some very rough seas and storms! And, while we may not be all the way "there" (subjective, of course) yet, .... we will not give up ... I will never give up. It's not an option for the mermaid, and it's not an option for me.

*Much love and gratitude to Teresa Jamison, Selina Fenech, and Margaret Dean for making my wish come true and inspiring me every day.*

This way to the website

Does that come in seed form?

2010-06-13T05:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I stumbled into the craziest, easiest pain management technique I have found thus far.

I was separating bird seed with a colandar into a large pot - birds/squirrels, another story for another day. In order to get them to separate them fully, I have to stir them with my hands.

So....I'm in the middle of this household chore and suddenly I notice: "Hey! This is kinda fun! Let me do it a little more...." I stir. I stir slowly. I stir more quickly. I close my eyes and notice the textures of the myriad of seeds in this particular songbird blend. And, only then do I notice...."I think this feels good on my hands." - stir - "How could that be and why?" - stir - breathe - "It must have to do with the nerves in my fingers..." - stir - "Yes. That's it! Whereas, normally my fingers tingle in a painful way, now they are tingling in a feel-good way." - stir - "Wow." - stir - breathe - "I wonder if different seeds (size and weight) feel different?" I try them separately. Indeed, the sunflower seeds feel different than the little tiny seeds - a different kind of therapy. But, both feel good..... soothing..... quieting...... calming... like thousands of little tiny fingers, massaging my hands. I hold a handful of seeds and allow them to trickle through my fingers. Aaaaaahhhhh...... that feels good....

What a bizarre and profound experience! And, how fun it would be for "my kids" (students) and the seniors who have arthritis in their hands! And, cheap! I could buy some bags of inexpensive beans and rice and seeds and get plastic bowls at the dollar store!

I'm sure there is some scientific explanation for my little accidental discovery/ therapeutic technique. I'm sure I would find it interesting. But for now, I really don't care much. It's something to share with others and remember for myself.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Don't be surprised if I end up posting a picture at some point with my feet in a bucket of seeds! :D

*I wonder if it has anything to do with the energy in the seeds?*

Wilderness

2010-06-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Last night I was thinking about how I wish I could paint my pain.

I searched the internet, looking for an image that "fit."

I found hundreds of pictures. Some made me cry. Some made me mad. Some stirred my empathy muscles - the hollow barrel of my solar plexus - like a butter knife, skimming the sides.

There were paintings in red. And blue. And black. Some very prolific. Some so powerful, the pain was nearly tangible.

Most of the artists seemed either bright-red angry or helplessly prussian.

I nod my head in agreement. "I feel that."

Still......nothing came close to depicting my pain. Not that it's so bad, really. It's just...my pain is ...elusive...tricky...almost like a cawing crow, in it's own way.

My journey through pain is much more like a jaunt in the wilderness.

A barren land of onyx - with faintly feathered trees - stained droplets - and stroked sunlight - somewhere off in the distance.

That place over there...

It's only...

A few

barefoot steps

away -

upon an Earth,

ignited.

And

a short stint -

through

that maize-tinged

maze.

A leap -

one last

thorny mound.

A saunter -

A stumble -

A rise -

One

drenched

tendril.

I dashrunSCREAMfall.

I recline on a rock

bathe in a stream

and catch

a lone butterfly

in my skirt.

not

here.

not

there.

I awaken. Gaze out the window. The tree leaves bow...heads heavy... rain-drenched. Start the coffee. Open the back door.

...

Thought to get my shoes on and dash out there.....see if I could stand in it......catch it in my hands.....

But, you and I both know what would happen.

I am a but a gypsy ~

in the wilderness.

Using demure words ~

as paint.

My Specialty is SQUEEZING. What's Yours?

2010-06-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again.....I'm not a talented "artist" in the everyday sense of the word. However, I do believe creativity is 100% subjective and can be nurtured and channeled in a myriad of ways, as one so chooses.

I'd like to think I exercise my creativity muscles on a daily basis. To be honest, it's not always easy. I call it "squeezing." Sometimes I have to s-q-u-e-e-z-e and almost "make something out of nothing." It's the loaves and fishes effect, if you will.......

Yep. I am a Master Squeezer! :D

But, this is not about ME. What I really intended to talk about is what it means to be a Divinely Gifted Visionary Healing Artist.

Yeah, THAT'S what I wanted to talk about.

You know what I mean, right?

I have MANY remarkably talented artist friends. I love them all. I have their creations all over my house, my office, my studio - you may have received a gorgeous notecard from me at some point in time. Yeah. Those are my friends :)

But a Divinely Gifted Visionary Healing Artist is a bit of a different trait, from my perspective. This is an exceptional GIFT.

Each of the artists I am profiling today has that gift. These women have taken the time to know me. To listen to me. To travel with me and "see" my own visions......what I see and hear and feel and need. Not only do I consider this a divine gift, but I acknowledge that it takes a tremendous amount of hard work. Work on intuition. Work on willingness - to open yourself as a vessel; allowing your hands to be a tool for someone else, and in reality, for all of humanity...
I. HONOR. THAT.

So, if you are on a healing journey (who isn't?) or, like me, find yourself artistically challenged, you need to check out these creatrixes!

Maia Waye

http://www.etsy.com/shop/maiaart

Maia is responsible for the notecards everyone compliments me on; private drawings she has and continues to create for me personally; and just all-around being a wise and extremely talented, inspiration. There is no other word for it. I honor you, Maia Waye.

Montserrat Bennett

www.thesacredfeminine.com

"Mo" is the one who creates my candles and soaps from scratch, based on my relayed visions and desires. She's all the way over on the other side of the U.S.......how can she know me so well? I honor you, Montserrat Bennett.

Lorraine Rimando

http://www.spiritualscentsaromatherapy.com/

Lorraine is my little miracle worker. She is the one who created the "Floating Soulshine" blend you are all so crazy about (and so am I!). But, far beyond that... all I have to do is call or email or sometimes a short text (lol) what is ailing me...she immediately she works her little magic and sends it over in a bottle. Really! It's unbelievable. I honor you, Lorraine Rimando.

Brenda Delaney

www.theglitzygypsy.com

Brenda makes healing dolls. Let me say that again.....Brenda makes healing dolls! Mine is named, Shannon. And, as she lovingly and intentionally pieces together these majestic works of art, she interweaves words of healing - inside the doll! Do not even ask me how she does that. You will have to ask her yourself :) She also makes jewelry and all kindza glittery things that delight women. Visit Brenda. You simply MUST. I honor you, Brenda Bliss Delaney.

Nici Derosier

http://www.artshapedworld.com/

Nici is perhaps one of the most intuitive and ingenius artists I have ever met. She can literally create anything out of anything. I'll let you oooooh and aaaaah over her yourself. But it's pretty much as simple as this.....I phone Nic and say...."Nic, I need XYZ for a very special person (yes, sometimes ME) who is not feeling quite up to snuff, and it needs to look like this and feel like this....." Next thing I know......IT shows up in the mailbox. Seriously...astounding. I honor you, Nici Derosier.

Denise Weller

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30521261&id=1495095850#!/profile.php?id=1495095850

My dear friend, Denise, is camera-shy. And website-shy. And Facebook-shy. Just a few of many qualities that make her such a priceless gem. She is the one who is responsible for creating my "Eve Herself" logo - this was done from a "drawing" (if you wanna call it that) I sketched on a napkin when we were having lunch one day. She is humble and compassionate and has a heart that shines to the ends of the Earth. Her healing gifts are most radiant when she is using therapeutic art to help children with emotional and behavioral disorders. Her quiet presence alone, heals me. I honor you, Denise Weller.

No, this is not an infommercial, folks.

I offer these women as keys - treasures - the secrets to my success, abundance, and perpetual unfolding.

Do with this what you may *grins*

Journey of the Wounded Healer

2010-06-05T05:25:00.000-07:00

I love Alex Gray's work, and suffice it to say -
I find this depiction nothing less than -

PROFOUND.

*click on the photo to enlarge

~ How to silence a poetess ~

2010-06-03T06:13:00.000-07:00

Words

Pale

in comparison.

*note - these photos are raw - I'm not a huge fan of altering captured moments and living beings in nature - they are breathtaking, just as they are........click each picture to fully appreciate.....

heh....I dream of possibilities with a high-quality "tool" in my hands.......

"I was only sleeping"

2010-06-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the step drinking my coffee this morning, communing with my little plant, "Joyce's Rhapsody."

love never forgets

I've been a bit upset because I accidentally broke it when I was trying to tie up some of the gorgeous blossoms to give them some support. As some of you may recall, this is the beauty I planted in honor and memory of my friend, Joyce, who recently passed away. Every day I go out and water it and whisper, "Grow, grow, little plant. Please don't die on me." It did nothing for weeks. It didn't die. But it didn't thrive. Now, all of a sudden.......it is sprouting forth at lightning speed! I'm not kidding....sometimes I'll leave for a few hours and swear it has grown 1/2" by the time I get back! THIS makes me happy!

On the other hand......

I still have some real concern for these poor trees. I look at them every day. Touch them. Give them healing energy. I guess some people would call them hopeless and just chop them down. I simply can't give up on them. I had a thought this morning that maybe I should really go buy some "tree medicine." Then....as I was walking back to the house.......

...this little beauty shouted out at me, "Look at me! Look at me! I haven't asked or needed anything and look at me!"

What's funny is....this photo is raw - completely untouched - no flash, no Photoshop, no nothing - and look at how crisp and still all of the greenery is, and by contrast, how she is moving and makes herself look like a bright, white, star! It's almost as if she is saying, "First ya gotta catch me!" :D

Remembering and Celebrating...

2010-05-31T12:17:00.000-07:00

~ two 100% healthy feet ~
("THEN")

~ and one gorgeous downward dog ~

~ today - 5/31/10 - 8 weeks since surgery ~

Walk upon the Earth...

2010-05-29T07:32:00.000-07:00

...as if each step were a kiss...

It has become my joy - my love - my passion -
my heart's desire...

...to tend to the Earth each morning...

...it's my own little secret way...

Give.

Receive.

My Apothecary

2010-05-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

...and if you wonder how my scar is healing so quickly, I'll letcha in on a lil secret...

I don't often "plug" anyone here, on my website, or anywhere for that matter. I don't even "plug" MYSELF! lol

But, I simply must tell you about my dear friend, partner-in-crime, gifted healer, and Aromatherapist Extraordinaire, Lorraine Rimando......this chick ROCKS!

If you're interested in her background, check this out! If you just want to hear more about her as a person, well then....scrollllll onnnnnn dowwwwwn ;)

Lorraine Rimando, RN, BSN is a certified aromatherapist who has studied holistic aromatherapy and earned her Diploma in Aromatic Medicine from the East West School of Herbal and Aromatic Studies in Maryland. She has also received training in aromatic healing II from Karen Reilly. A Reiki Master trained in Usui, Shinpiden, and traditional Japanese Reiki through life long mentor, Carol Burbank, she continues to incorporate energy healing throughout her holistic nursing practice. Her background as a Registered Nurse for over 15 years in an array of acute care specialties, ranging from acute to chronic care settings, gives her first hand knowledge and experience when it comes to the holistic needs of individuals. She continues to practice nursing in an acute care setting. Lorraine enjoys sharing all that aromatherapy and Reiki have to offer and believes in holding great integrity in her practice as a holistic caregiver!

Lorraine is a Registered Aromatherapist with the Aromatherapy Registration Council (ARC) and is a member of the American Holistic Nurses Association. She is a registered practitioner with the International Aromatherapy Association (IMA Group, Inc.) and professional member of the National Association of Holistic Aromatherapy (NAHA) as well.

Lorraine's unique approach as a holistic practitioner includes combining her experience as a registered nurse with aromatherapy and Reiki to assist people in reaching their full health potential. She emphasizes customizing aromatic blends to fit a person's own individual needs.

Lorraine with her beautiful daughter.

On Lorraine, as a person:

There is not enough room or time. Lorraine is one of the most powerful healers I know (and I know ALOT!) yet, she has a very gentle way about her. She speaks softly and has one of the hugest, most radiant hearts I have ever known. As far as her products go.....she spends a great deal of time and energy on each and every blend, and infuses them with 100% pure and loving intent. Let me tell you --- it makes a difference! She is a perfectionist when it comes to her clients, and if she's not fully satisfied with a blend, she starts all over again....from scratch. Her oils are therapeutic grade and unrivaled, as far as I am concerned. Just a few examples of the many blends she has created for me personally:

sinus relief
pain and anti-inflammatory
scars
headaches
blocked chakras
face and body scrubs
and my all-time FAV of course, my signature blend, "Floating Soulshine"

I simply cannot say enough great things about these products and their sweetheart creatrix (hard to even call them products, as they are so much more). So, if you are still buying essential oils on the internet or at the natural market......well, no disrespect meant at all but, you just don't know what you're missing!

http://www.spiritualscentsaromatherapy.com/

*if you are interested in purchasing Floating Soulshine, feel free to contact either of us directly.

Our "Ordered" Lives - Heh

2010-05-27T05:22:00.000-07:00

Order and Chaos

Lithograph, 1950

www.mathacademy.com

Take from our souls the strain and stress,

and let our ordered lives confess

the beauty of thy peace.

~ The Episcopal Church Hymnal 1982 ~

Quirkles and Samskaras Go Together

2010-05-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I started out thinking about samskaras and ended up in a field of dandelions :D

Several things come to mind, here......

First of all, my recent discussion with a friend about how, I try so hard to discipline myself to do something "productive" (subjective, of course) and I end up taking pictures or journaling or sweeping my siddhi or lying in a field of dandelions!

Oh! Back to samskaras... What are they anyway?

"Samskara is a Sanskrit word which roughly translates as a habit or pattern, in this context it can be seen as a habit or pattern which exists at the physical level or one that exists due to how we perceive and think."

Hmmm...

Thinking about samskaras led me to some absolutely stunning photos of patterns in nature! Yet again, I got "lost" for some 30 minutes.....lol

For my friend, Elizabeth, who loves dandelions.
Isn't this simply breathtaking?

If you happen to be one of my students, you already know that one of the foundations of IYT is the belief that humans exist on many levels, i.e., the "koshas"...in a nutshell...the combo meal of physical body, energetic body, emotional body, wisdom body, and bliss body.

"When any of these "bodies" is individually or collectively injured and our experience is not fully integrated, a samskara results."

Hmmm.

Here is just one very simple example, of many:

"The body inherently seeks balance. (LOVE THAT!) When we are physically injured, the body ‘copes’ by borrowing resources from other places; in the quest for survival the body re-creates balance. Different muscles are called into action to support the injured area. As these muscles are activated, and others are de-activated so they may rest and heal, we unconsciously change the way we move and hold the body. This coping mechanism remains long after the injury is healed and becomes a ‘habitual’ movement pattern. This manifests as the chronically tight neck, that one hip that just always seems out….the list can seem endless at times. Most physical trauma has an emotional component whether that emotion is present at the time of the injury or develops as a result of the injury. In either case, if these emotions are not processed they remain locked in the physical and energetic bodies."

Hmmm.

Read that again. (I did!)

And if that's not enough to getcha thinkin, try this on for size....

"Emotional injury is stored in essentially the same way. A traumatized child will learn to hold their breath in order not to be seen or heard. When our self esteem is injured we learn to close our hearts and develop rounded shoulders, or we become quite military in our bearing, armored against attack. The practices of Yoga offer us a gentle way to open and explore these injuries to the bodymind."

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa!

There is so much more to learn about samskaras. If you are interested, check out Yoga Journal or the IYT website......otherwise, I could ramble for days! ;)

My main thought is this: What happens when we decide to change some of those samskaras (no matter how we go about it)?

I just wonder ---- what does that invoke IN YOU? What picture comes to mind? Devastation? Or a living, breathing creature in flight? Just curious......

And, by the way, I think I just need to declare to myself and the Universe...

DIGRESS.

ALOT!

Heh. Maybe that's my own samskara. One of many...

And also a great idea for a T-shirt! ;)

*excerpts from "Healing and Releasing Samskaras – A Somatic Approach" by Sandra Coombe

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeze Those Lemons!

2010-05-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

So...I had to buy some new socks. It's kinda hard to explain but:

a) higher up to keep the ASO brace from rubbing my calf and shin raw, and

b) the kind that breathe really well to allow my incision to heal and keep it from getting aggravated, again, by the brace...

No biggie, of course. But, for a flip flip kinda gal, NO kind of sock is going to excite me in the summertime! So, Cammie and I decided to make the socks a little more fun. Plus, this will make it easier for me to find these specific *special* socks in the laundry and sock drawer ;)

*The best part is --- Cammie and I giggled and poked fun at each other and she told me she was "having fun with her Mom." :D

Gnomes, Leprachauns, and Cooking Utensils

2010-05-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

One day Cammie and I were discussing some sort of spiritual phenomena and she says to me, "Well...Ms. XYZ (revered spiritual leader) says...(fill in, whatever it was)." Then she pauses for a moment and adds, "Of course, that was in the same book where she wrote a whole chapter on gnomes and leprachauns." *chuckles*

At first glance, that may just seem like a humorous moment between her and I, and there are so many. But, what I totally adore about my daughter is that she has the wherewithal to be open to so much, and honor and respect all of it; yet, she is able to distinguish what resonates and works for her Self. Namaste, Dear Cammie.

What's my point?

I often challenge my students to enter my classes with minds and hearts much like a colander. At the end of a class, I'll ask them to shake it out. And whatever "sticks," belongs to them and is what they are meant to take with them...

I wonder what would/could happen if we all went out into the world today with the minds, bodies, and spirits of beautiful colanders? Just a thought...

This is me today. Like?

SOMEONE's Been Sleeping in MY BED!

2010-05-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

I DID! I DID! I DID!

Today I walked all the way down the stairs and back to my little siddhi/shed in the woods!

Now, remember.....it's been (count em)...TWO SUMMERS...since I've been able to make it back there due to some....um....unforeseen physical circumstances!

I flung open the doors and, boy! The creepy crawlies scattered like a busted bonfire party! I do not even know WHAT some of those huge things were!

Anyway....I let them run...stomped real hard on the floor to warn the mice, and sent my BIG BAD BOUNCER BOYS, Max and Dukie, in ahead of me to part the seas...

The first thing I said (yes, aloud) when I stepped in was, "SOMEONE's been sleeping in my bed!"

The boys sniffed all around in the corners and since they didn't seem to be "on" to anything, I assumed the coast was clear.

My Gosh! What a mess! Now, I fully suspected the critters had been hosting some all-nighters out there. I even think I heard some music one night. But, sheesh! Couldn't they clean up their mess!? Must have been teenage critters! :)

This is going to take some work, folks. And I don't move so fast anymore. BUT... Like everything else in my life right now, I will get it done, baby step by baby step!

Today was a day for pulling weeds, a wee bit of raking, some serious extermination, and lots of envisioning :)

Once she's back up to code, this is sure to be where I spend most of my summer. Working. Writing. Yoga-ing. Painting. Sleeping (BEST sleep in the world in this joint!) Doodling. And dreaming.

Here's a quick tour (please pardon the stardust):

Meet your tour guide :) I've never been one of those persons who has managed to master the art of self portraits via mirrors. lol I so love this little shift my friend, Elaine, gave me. EVERY WOMAN needs a least one garb item that brings out the little girl in her. This is it for me :)

*not sure if the power washing will get done this year, but flowers for the flower box and small chimes are MUSTS!*

Plenty of room left for...
life-stages graffiti!

Herein lie the phenomenal creations of my artists friends from all over the globe.

If you look very closely, I bet you might see something of yours! :)

Evidence of those lil fluffy-tailed LUSHES! Have they no shame at all?

Very important reminders!

On the way "back home" I came across the most intriguing little moth. When she sat still with her wings folded, she looked like any other ordinary gray moth. But when she took off.............the inside of her wings were....pale lavendar! *smiles*

I GET IT, little moth. I GET IT. *smiles x infinity*

Enamoured

2010-05-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

I just LUV me some MOONSHINE!

Lately I have noticed a blue halo around Her. Have you? They say this means rain or snow. Hmmmm. Not likely, eh? What else does it mean? Does anybody know?

I love to watch the moon circle my house...

The solitary parade begins at dusk, high above my back deck. She plays Goddess, Interrupted, with baby bats swooping to and fro (which my friend, Lorraine, loves).

Then She meanders around to Cammie's room to bid her goodnight. Sometimes, when Cammie's not here, I sneak in there, raise her blinds to the top, and gaze out the window. This brings back great memories for me. When she was a baby I would pull the rocking chair over next to her window, and dream for the both of us - utterly enchanted by the lapping moonlit ripples waltzing across the lake behind our *then* house.

Next, She saunters around and peeks at me through the kitchen window from behind the giant trees. Sometimes if I don't see Her right away, I find myself leaning closer in to the window...in search of...

Late night, She serves as a semi-angel-security light over my car - transmitting fiber optic ethereal messages via the windshield.

It's nearing midnight...

Let me check...

Aaaahhhh......

The art of graceful departure...

...a cloud-top minuet...

...talk about walking on water!

*the crowd (Me) goes wild!*

The Moon is My Sister

by my dear friend and phenomenal artist, Montserrat

sip

dreams

sliver

the

Moon

Aloof?

2010-05-21T06:47:00.000-07:00

Whirl as you like.

Crow as you may.

Behold. Me. Not.

Whisper softly.

Walk gently.

Know. Me.

Gasp - Is She Going ------- THERE?!

2010-05-20T06:18:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway...

I respect and acknowledge ALL religions and forms of spiritual practice.

My personal belief is that there are more common threads than many people realize or care to acknowledge, and that segregation is our own doing.

I do not engage in religious debate. I'd much rather just say, "Of course you're right." and walk away, knowing what I know.

I consider myself fairly knowledgeable in the arenas of religion and spirituality, having studied and practiced a myriad of "isms" in great detail.

What I WILL openly profess is this: the thing I totally dig about creating your own form of spirituality is that there are so many resources available today from which to gain insight and inspiration. (I include nature in this genre.)

I am not advising anyone.

What I am merely suggesting, based on my own knowledge and experience is:

should you happen to feel suffocated by the religious doctrine you were raised under...
should you happen to feel alienated by any/all religions you have previously been exposed to...
should you happen to argue that there could not possibly be any "Source" considering the state of our affairs in the world as we know it...
should you happen to feel lost, grasping at the air, feeling like you have nothing to hang on to...

open your mind and your heart, and keep trying ;)

my nightstand

*Note: you may wonder why I would even dare to "go there" at all.....here's the reason...I've been thinking lately about how incredibly petrifying, hopeless, helpless LIFE must seem at times to people who have absolutely nothing to believe in. Whew. Sad.

How Are You and TIME Getting Along?

2010-05-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

I ran late this morning :(

And during that "running late period" some old habits and emotions arose in me...

Like...um...

Stress.
Anxiety.
Haste makes waste.
Punchy-ness.
Impatience.

Running late makes me sweat. And I'm not a perspirer.

I called my client. She was fine with it, as always (THANK YOU, CR!). I still didn't like that I was late though. Because I VALUE AND RESPECT HER TIME.

I recall a time, about six or eight years ago, when my friend and I went on our annual beach vacation. When we arrived and started unpacking we made a vow to ourselves and to one another. We both took off our watches and promised not to live by the time for a whole week. We would wake up when we felt like it. Eat when we felt like it. Go to the beach and come back a 1/2 hour later, or ten hours later if we felt like it. Drink margaritas at 10:00 a.m. if we felt like it. We'd eat dinner at 3:00 in the afternoon or 11:00 at night if we felt like it. My God, was that liberating!

When I got back home I decided I liked that feeling so much, I'd never wear a watch again. And to this day, I still haven't.

Now, suffice it to say, my corporate boss was none too happy with my newly-adopted doctrine-lol. I realized the toll it was taking on me racing to work every morning. The designated report time was no longer working for me because my daughter was now in high school and I needed to drive her to school. This only left me about 35 minutes to make a 45 minute drive to work. EVERY morning I nagged at Cammie (who is NOT a morning person to begin with!) and started off both of our days on the wrong foot, all because I was stressed about THE TIME. I couldn't drop her off any earlier, as the doors to the school were closed. Once I dropped her off, I would drive at lightning speed, gritting my teeth and gripping the steering wheel the whole way...Dodging in and out of cars, thinking nasty thoughts, saying nasty words, and invariably spilling my coffee all over my...gag...business suit. I'd finally reach work and literally RUN from my car to the front door, and then make a mad dash to my desk and do my best to look "calm and collected," even though my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding. NOT RECOMMENDED FOR DAILY USE, FOLKS.

Finally, I mustered the courage to approach my very structured and stringent boss. I very respectfully asked for either a later start time or flexible hours, and explained the reasons why. DENIED. Hmm. As my Mom would say, "Oh well."

The next morning was status quo. And the next, and the next. It took a good six months before I realized just how absurd and wasteful it would be if I perished at the hands of my own modus operandi. One day, as I was speeding down Rte. 4 in the left lane, something just sorta snapped in me (don't panic-lol). I just decided enough was enough. I moved to the right lane, slowed down, and started some deep breathing as I drove. I turned off the radio. Opened the windows. Purposely relaxed my shoulders and jaw. I very simply declared to myself and the Universe, "I'll get there when I get there." Period.

Yep, I was late...And from then on - some days I was on time, some days I was late. Boss-man never broached the subject, but I sure got some seriously condescending looks. "Oh well."

I feel so blessed to have escaped that kind of pressure! It does not work for me. It does not motivate me. Please don't get me wrong....if you are my student or client, you already know that I do my very best to be ON TIME, if not EARLY, EVERY TIME. I do value your time. And I do realize you are sacrificing your hard-earned money in a very tough economy for yoga classes. I totally respect that. BUT...I know and you know, the world is not going to end if I show up five minutes late or you show up five minutes late. IT'S YOGA, for crying out loud! My question to you is, "How effective do you expect your yoga practice to be if it stresses you out just getting there?" Furthermore, on my part, if ever I short you any time due to some extenuating life circumstance, it will ALWAYS be repaid, plus, plus. :)

Isn't it just easier this way?

I learned a mantra some years ago that has helped me tremendously and maybe it will help some of you as well. It's very simple. "There is enough time."

There is enough time.

There is enough time.

Try it! :)

It IS true, yanno.

What's my point? Well, I have several (surprised?):

1-SLOW DOWN. THERE IS ENOUGH TIME.

2-Being on time, all the time, is certainly commendable, but not worth making yourself sick (or worse) over.

3-Schedules and structure are valuable and necessary. They provides us with a sense of security, among other things. Some people thrive on schedules. BUT, I personally (and professionally) don't believe it's necessary or healthy for any of us to FREAK if things don't go precisely according to schedule or our plans. I find the "What's the worst that could happen?" technique extremely effective in resetting my perspective as/if necessary.

4-Last but not least...please don't misunderstand me. I would never ask or expect anyone to subscribe to my philosophies or lifestyle. Withal, I have simply chosen not to live a life that is CONFINED or DEFINED by time.

To know me is to love me, eh? :)

Watch my Nana gave me when I was a little girl.

I adore this watch.

It opens like a locket and the "secret time" is inside.

She had such exquisite taste!

60 Days...

2010-05-19T15:46:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry people...I'm just so dang proud of ME!

It Won't Be Long...

2010-05-17T08:37:00.001-07:00

Lifescripts

2010-05-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

Since my release from the "ankle safehouse," I've noticed that my calf stays contracted and my foot flexed all the time. It only took a little over six weeks to establish this pattern. I am constantly forced to remind myself, "Tina, you need to take a deep breath and RELAX your whole leg, including your foot. It's OK to relax it now."

I've been thinking alot about this today. If my body was trained to stay in this position after only six weeks, just think what a brain could do in that amount of time, with the "proper training." Our brains are so much more powerful than our physical bodies!

They say it takes 21 days to establish a new pattern, or break an old one. This was and still is the premise for my own personal "Old Faithful" philosophy, affectionately known as Detox Roxx.

I'm not really sure what the "gist" of this post is. Just thoughts, I guess...

One of my all-time favs -
from the Intricacies of Life series of my personal portfolio -

I call it, "Lifescripts."

Hope and Fear

2010-05-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

One of the classic Buddhist teachings on hope and fear concerns what are known as the eight worldly dharmas. These are four pairs of opposites - four things that we like and become attached to and four things that we don't like and try to avoid. The basic message is that when we are caught up in the eight worldly dharmas, we suffer.

First, we like pleasure; we are attached to it.
Conversely, we don't like pain.

Second, we like and are attached to praise.
We try to avoid criticism and blame.

Third, we like and are attached to fame.
We dislike and try to avoid disgrace.

Finally, we are attached to gain, to getting what we want.
We don't like losing what we have.

According to this very simple teaching, becoming immersed in these four pairs of opposites -

pleasure and pain
praise and blame
fame and disgrace
gain and loss

is what keeps us stuck in the pain of samsara (generally considered the antithesis of nirvana).

We might feel that somehow we should try to eradicate these feelings of pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and disgraces. A more practical approach is to get to know them intimately, see how they hook us, see how they color our perception of reality, see how they aren't all that solid. Then the eight worldly dharmas become the means for growing wiser as well as kinder and more content.

~ Pema Chodron ~

what arises?

Priceless.

2010-05-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

My good friend and partner-in-crime, Lorraine, sayeth, "Great day to clear all your stones and crystals....place them out in the sun until the sun goes down then regenerate them with new intentions and prayers."

Stones...crystals...hmm. As with yoga, it seems there are some controversy and myths surrounding these little things. Some say they hold energy. Some say they carry healing properties. Some say they can be used in exorcisms. OK, I don't believe that one, but it's ok if you do :)

I learned quite a bit about rocks and minerals when I worked for an aggregates supplier. The gist of it is (IMHO, of course)...if they are supplied by nature, from the Earth, well, there must be some good to them! :)

My personal belief (not that you asked for it) is...there couldn't be anything wrong with that, and we may as well use them to their fullest extent, whatever that means to each person. Many of my friends wear them around their wrists or necks. Some carry pocket stones. Certainly, many of us ingest minerals in the forms of foods and vitamins. And then there's the correlation between gemstones and the chakras :)

In any event, there are also stories about how way back in history (and don't ask me when) the older ladies in a tribe (i.e., "crones") would etch symbols and words on the stones and gift them to the younger girls (i.e., "maidens" and "mothers"). Now that, I DIG :)

I have shared the story of crone stones with many of my students, particularly the elderly women. Some of them have personally gifted me with crone stones. These, I look at every day. As far as I'm concerned, they hold some of the purest intentions, highest vibrational energy, and greatest wisdom I have available to me.

I also have some other little treasures in my sacred "toolbox." A turtle (one of my totems) to remind me to slow down. A bit of coral from the Hawaiian seas from my Reiki Master. An acorn triquetta, symbolizing the three cycles of a woman's life, and a very important sister kindredship to me.

Just my thoughts on a gorgeous Saturday morn...

So, the next time you want to give someone a gift (especially a woman younger than yourself) how about choosing something that's FREE?! Walk around outside and find one that "calls" to you. Maybe scribe a message. Maybe carry it in your own pocket for a while and then gift it to someone else, carrying all the blessings and lessons you have experienced!

And, as for me...well, it doesn't take much :)

Just some of my many treasures.

Life Strategy # 2057 - Small Stuff vs. OH WELL

2010-05-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I've been doing a little "driving practice" around town.

Ready. Set. Free Me Now!

It's so weird how taking a short break from something can make your return feel sooo....well....WEIRD!

It goes without saying that my body feels different. Different in the seat. Different on the pedals. Different altogether. Oh well. We all know - our bodies are different every day anyway, surgery or not!

Me and my "rolling reminders"

Seems I've forgotten how to use some of the buttons. Of course, I haven't had this car very long anyway. Oh well. I'll just consider it to be that "new car feeling" all over again!

Hmmm. Somebody changed my clock! WHO DID THAT? Oh wait! Daylight savings time. Did I not change the clock in my car before my surgery? Isn't it supposed to change automatically? Oh well. Two button clicks and VOILA. DONE.

OK, seems like I can't keep my foot on the brake for any extended period of time. Oh well. Shift er on into park at the drive-in window.

WHAAAAAAA? Wait a second! What happened to my satellite radio? Mannnnn.....I guess it expired. Oh well. I wasn't really supposed to have it anyway. Ha! I knew they'd catch up to me someday! lol

Seriously...with all this do I really need satellite radio?

Oh well. Maybe if I press this button, I'll get lucky and have left a CD in there two months ago?

*grins*

AIC.

Yep.

Just open this lil baby up and say...

All. is. well.

*aside: "OH WELL technique" compliments of my Mom. It's her version of, "eh, how much does it REALLY matter?" :D

Nature's Poetry

2010-05-13T05:27:00.000-07:00

At dawn in its unfurling
In my soul I felt the burning
Said goodbye to yesterday
Has One become the luxury
The one we drop so easily
Because we just can't pay?

The moon as an illusion
Lost symbol of our fusion
Appearing in the haze
The road is always winding
Driving, thinking, crying
Can we just cut through the maze?

My mind is full of questions
Hung on promises and lessons
Spilled answers as a guide
Can we change the All we wanted
When the circle grows more daunted
And pushes us aside?

There just is no expression
When within our own confession
The Self gets left behind
To craft the perfect picture
Does the palette hold a tincture
With a tonic drop inside?

Our lust for life is treading
Not knowing where we're heading
The love we had in tow
If I could read the presages
Bits-and-pieces messages
Would I understand the flow?

2010 Tina Marks

For "Brostrom Survivors"

2010-05-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

I had said that one of the /many/ reasons for this blog would be to hopefully help someone else who is having the same procedure done. So, as boring as it might be for the rest of you, this post is for impending Brostrom procedure patients and "Brostrom Survivors" as they are referred to on many websites and forums.

At six weeks post-Brostom, here are my thoughts/observations/suggestions:

NEVER, throughout this journey thus far, have I had anywhere near what I would call "excruciating" pain, so if that's what you're worried about, don't (understanding that everyone tolerates pain differently).
I don't recommend wasting money on cast covers for the shower. They don't work and it's not worth the money. In my case, I was able to take a shower after 12 days - you can easily get by on baths and baby wipes and hair washing in the sink until then.
Use the money for shoes and clothes instead. This is NOT an exaggeration - you need to get proper clothing and shoes IN ADVANCE. I was not prepared for this at all. When they say "comfortable clothing" - I'd say "ultra-comfortable." For women, anything that slips over your head! Loose, comfy nightgowns, shifts, sundresses if it's the right time of year (I got lucky). A good quality pair of athletic shoes are a must, even if you hate them like I do. If nothing else, you will need them for once you get your boot off. Obviously, ankle stability is key! New Balance seems to be the best choice (after hours of research).
If at all possible, get crutches in advance. Chances are, you already have them, if you're at the point of having this surgery. It may be called a "walking boot" - and as I understand it, many doctors are now eliminating casts and going straight to the boot - but at first it's too uncomfortable to put weight on your foot even in the boot, so I used crutches even from room to room inside the house, for at least a week.
I considered, but never purchased, a shower stool. Many post-op patients and doctors recommend it. I was able to get by without one, but had to be very careful.
100% pure aloe and/or essential oils - once the boot comes off, there is all sorts of "stuff" to deal with that you probably never thought of, e.g., a whole leg of ingrown hairs, peeling skin, bone spurs, bruises, and of course, a scabby, itchy incision site. Gentle massage stimulates cell regeneration and speeds healing!
Just when you think you can't take it anymore...you will turn another corner and have a major healing "growth spurt," as I like to call it.
Grant yourself any/all simple pleasures that bring you joy: for me, this meant: linen spray, lavendar laundry detergent for endless mounds of dirty linens, ice cream, a very sturdy and comfortable chair, all the books I wanted to read but never had time to, etc. etc.
KEY: BE KIND TO YOURSELF!

6 weeks and I am very happy with the progress so far!

Poetry in Practice

2010-05-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

"An opportunity for quiet reflection
on moments of transcendence."

I. LIKE.

Her Majesty Obedience

2010-05-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, when I trained under Iyanla Vanzant, everyone in our group was given a "name." These were chosen, at random (if you believe in random) from a bowl. We were warned that the name we drew may not make sense at the time, or perhaps for quite some time in the future. I drew, "Her Majesty Obedience." Of course, my immediate thought was, "Huff! WHO am I supposed to be obeying NOW? I have always been obedient, even as a small child. I have always respected authority; in fact, moreso than most people I know. W.T.F.? How in the world does this apply to ME? I want a redraw!" lol Of course, I was NOT granted a redraw.

Anyway, I have carried that nametag around with me for years now - usually it's over the visor in my car - and never did really "nail" how it was supposed to apply to me, although I've been granted a few glimpses hither and thither.

So, how does this apply to today's post? Well, I've been thinking about "avoidance." What it means. Why we do it. Why I do it. And admit, I've engaged in quite a few silent battles of will with the Universe on the subject.

I decided to see what Iyanla has to say on it. In this book, "Until Today," there's no way to just look up the word "avoidance" and find something. You kinda have to scan. So I went to the Chapter on Service to see if there may be something hiding in there. I flipped right to a page that I have previously made notes and highlights on.

Herein, some insight on avoidance and obedience if anyone is interested:

"The greatest service I can offer is...doing what needs to be done."

Of course you deserve to have the things you want in life. Of course you are worthy of having them. These are givens. The question is, are you willing to do the work required to get what you want? I am not talking about physical work. Oh no! Most of the time, we are all ready and willing to kill ourselves working to get the things we want. If that is all it takes, everyone's success would be assured. It is the mental, emotional and spiritual work that we usually overlook. When there is something that you really want, there is one thing you must really do - FOCUS! Focus your thoughts. Focus your energy. When you really want to focus on something, there is something you must develop and maintain - DISCIPLINE! You must be disciplined about what you think. You must do everything in a disciplined way. When you are working to master the art of discipline, there is something you must be - OBEDIENT! Obediently follow your first focused thought. Obediently follow through on the disciplined action you take. When you are really obedient, there is one thing you will undoubtedly develop - FOCUS! With focus, discipline and obedience, you will reach any goal successfully.

Until today, you may have believed that you could physically work your way to success. Just for today, focus your energy and attention on the mental, emotional, and spiritual work that will serve you as you reach for your highest and greatest good.

Today I am devoted to being obediently disciplined about the things I am focused on being and doing!

All Rise

2010-05-11T04:33:00.000-07:00

At some point you have to own up to how great you are, how beautiful you are, to how much inner dignity and potential you have. Drop complaining about what other people didn’t give you or do for you, or how they mistreated you. Take repossession of your Self and you will rise to a level of greatness that has been yours all along.

~ Michael Bernard Beckwith ~

Proceed With Caution!

2010-05-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

First day with my new foot and TWO shoes!

So, I was gonna take a pic of me dancing in the grass, but I was afraid I'd hurt myself! lol

I got a great report at the surgeon's office today. I have progressed to this new "ASO" and have been given permission to slowly start practicing walking, driving, and even balancing on my right foot! Woot! Hang on, Dancer Pose - I'll be there soon!

I'm also doing my own P.T. at home, cuz ----- I rock like that ----- and can be trusted!

Today, I'm pretty proud of me!

Our Special Day

2010-05-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to Mom - Thanks for all you do for me and for Cammie.

Happy Mother's Day to Cammie - Thanks for the honor and pure joy of being your Mom.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,

and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw you feed a stray cat,

and I learned it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw you make my favorite cake just for me,

and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I heard you say a prayer,

and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to,

and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick,

and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing,
and I learned that those who have something

should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it,

and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw how you handled your responsibilities,

even when you didn't feel good,

and I learned that I would have to
be responsible when I grew up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I felt you kiss me good night,
and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw tears in your eyes,

and I learned that sometimes things hurt,

but it’s alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw that you cared,

and I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know

to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I looked . . .

and I wanted to say thanks

for all the things I saw

when you thought I wasn’t looking.

(Author Unknown)

Happy Mother's Day and Happy Birthday to Nana - surely one of the most beautiful, wisest, strongest, angels in Heaven. Thanks for all you did for me here on Earth and all you continue to do for me from above.

Archangel Raphael Wears Reeboks Too!

2010-05-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

I guess alot of people wouldn't "get" this, but I've been really upset about some gorgeous trees on our property that got weighed down in the snowstorm. Now, these are some HUGE and HEAVY trees ---- it's not a simple matter of a stake and some rope and you're done. I've toiled with thoughts of having them cut down and taken away (very expensive), or having someone come here to try to "do something" with them (also very expensive). No one in the household seems much bothered by the trees left for dead except me. And that's ok too - I realize that not everyone is quite as sensitive and "attached" to living things as I am. I've also been HERE, at the house, for some 40+ days now, and you know how that is - you "see" things you might not even normally notice quite as much.

In any event, I was browsing around some of my favorite fantasy art sites earlier today and saw this one by Selina Fenech that I had admired some years ago but had forgotten about:

and I thought to myself....."Wow, that drawing depicts exactly how I feel about those dying trees in the backyard!" In fact, I also have a tree stump just like that in my front yard - where the neighbors cut down a tree long ago (it's on the borderline of our properties).

I'm sorry people, but chopped down and/or dying trees make me sad. That's just the truth.

Later on this evening, I had settled in to do some online work when my neighbor came to the front door and said, "I just wanted to let you know, we're in your backyard checking out your tree situation."

The next thing I know, she and I are sitting on my back deck with the animals (hers, mine, ours) watching her husband and his friend literally standing these huge trees up with the help of some ropes and tools! Honestly, I didn't know whether to applaud or cry or swirl up a huge batch of margaritas!

Huge thanks to Kevin

and his generous friend whom I have never even met before!

There are no guarantees of course, BUT....I happen to believe, with a little nurturing and loving kindness, there is hope for my beloved ones.

And...with more people like this, there is hope for mankind.

Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky,
We fell them down and turn them into paper,
That we may record our emptiness.
~Kahlil Gibran

Herstory 101 by Tina - with 1960's turn-the-page techno

2010-05-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

I love apples. Fresh, juicy green apples are my favorites. I wish I could carry an apple with me each day as I go about my travels for a snack. Apples really are the perfect, convenient, healthy snack. Wouldn't you agree? (Do I sound like a commercial?)

*Ding* Turn the page...

I'm allergic to apples.

*Ding* Turn the page...

I live in a neighborhood known as, "Apple Greene."

I'd say it took some guts to move into a neighborhood I'm allergic to, wouldn't you?

*Ding* Turn the page...

All of the streets in Apple Greene are named after apples.

I live on the corner of Cortland and Quince. The union of bitter and sweet. The Cortland apple is known as one of the sweetest. The Quince is very bitter. Did you know there are some 7,000 varities of apples?

*Ding* Turn the page...

My actual address is Quince Court. Now - Quince - she's an intriguing little thing. Quince was the apple Eve used to seduce Adam in the Garden of Eden. Look it up, if you don't believe me! Aye, the tree of Forbidden Fruit - Knowledge and Good and Evil :)

Biblical Paintings - Dr. Lidia Kozenitzky

*Ding* Turn the page...

Known as "The Fruit of Love," the Quince is also referred to in the Song of Solomon. Greek mythology associates the Quince with Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, and many believe that the golden apple given to her by Paris was a Quince.

*Ding* Turn the page...

The Fruit of Love...

"They dined on mince and slices of quince,

Which they ate with a runcible spoon;

And hand in hand on the edge of the sand

They danced by the light of the moon."

"The Owl and the Pussycat," by Edward Lear

*Ding* Turn the page...

A little more about Her Majesty, The Quince, and how she reigns now, in the twenty-first century:

"Looks can be deceiving with the flowering Quince (Chaenomeles speciosa). Most of the year this fairy tale shrub is a mass of tangled, thorny branches with mundane foliage. Heh, says Me. But! In spring the beast becomes a beauty with showy single or double blossoms. In October (when Tina was born) we are rewarded with fruit that makes a great marmalade or jelly."

*Ding* Turn the page...

Now, if you so dare to think She's beautiful but as useless as a dumb blonde, read on:

Revered for thousands of years (all the way back to the Garden of Eden, as we now know *smiles*) for her practical and medicinal purposes, including:

Wine

Anti-nausea syrup

Preserves, jams, sauces, and butter

Sore throat treatment

Inside home as a room deodorizer

In cosmetics for "glossy" look

Excellent source of Vitamin C

In skin moisturizers, especially body butters

*note to Self: MUST TRY.

Added bonus: In the month of October (my birthday month), Korres will donate 5% of every Quince Body Butter sold to the National Breast Cancer Coalition.

*Ding* Turn the page...

Oh yeah! Back to Eden (which literally means "paradise" btw)...

A few years ago when I was working on transforming our shed into my little hideaway in the woods, I jokingly remarked to a friend, "All I need now is a serpent!" The next day, in passing, my neighbor says to me, "Hey, Tina, just wanted to let you know you might wanna put some moth balls out...I saw a snake go under your shed yesterday." Mmmmhmmmm.

*Ding* Turn the page...

That same summer, I joined an online writer's forum. Of course, I had to come up with some kind of witty identity for myself...it IS a writer's forum, after all. I decided on "I've Been Everything." After I made my first post, I noticed that there was not enough room to display my whole name. Dang it! Oh well, instead it ended up looking like this: "I've Been Eve."

"Eve" by Montserrat

Perhaps it goes without saying...I decided to roll with it. I mean, there's no denying how utterly enchanting she is!

*Ding* Turn the page...

Fast forward to today...

We're in the midst of a sweet sunshower (the marriage of rain and sunshine). Heh. Nothing unusual here in the Garden of Eden. You do know the old wives' tale, don't you?

"In the United States, particularly the South, a sunshower is said to show that the devil is beating his wife." Satan's such a JERK!

*Ding* Turn the page...

Hence, we arrive at the conclusion of today's Herstory lesson.

I DO have work to do yanno? What d'ya think - I just dawdle around muchin on fruit in paradise all day or sumn?

Signed, Eve Herself

*Note to Mom, who's probably the only one still here, and who buys me everything I want --- have you ordered a Quince tree for each of our yards yet? :D

My Ego is a Diva

2010-05-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

sorry you have such a big butt, DEEGO,

but there's not enough room for the both of us!

I can't get HER off my mind. You know - DEEGO! That could stand for DIVA EGO, or DIVINE EGO - always subject to change without notice, and dependent upon the situation ;)

I was thinking about just one of so many examples where SHE made ME do something completely ridiculous.

Rewind to...eh...1987ish? "The Medieval Times," as Cammie calls it :D

I'm a young, cute (yeah, I said that) twenty-something. My /then/ husband and I decide to take a Saturday drive, mostly for lack of anything else to do (aaaaaahhhhh.....those were the days......). We end up at the car dealership, oooing and aaahing and lusting over stuff we couldn't afford. No harm in dreaming, right?

Of course, there was a pushy salesman involved. I think car salespersons have come a long way since then, BTW. I happen to think this one car is really cool. But it was just a momentary whim, yanno? Looking back, with what I know now, I probably would have NEVER bought that car for so many reasons I don't even need to go into.

Anyway, I nonchalantly say how beautiful the color of the car is (metallic mauve-WHAT was I thinking?!). It's a real sporty thing, unlike anything I've ever had. And far too pricey. Absurd, even. So, Mr. Cool Dude salesman says to us (before knowing a dang thing about us) that he doesn't think we can afford that car and maybe we should look at XYZ (junk) car instead.*

*In retrospect - that was either a brilliant sales technique or he learned his...ahem...manners from a chicken.

I'm offended. Insulted. And, of course, would handle the situation TOTALLY different nowadays. But, back then......I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "Who the hell is HE to tell me what I can and can't afford? I'll show his stupid ass! Huff!"

You know the rest - we ended up driving that car off the lot that day without so much as even negotiating one dollar. Nothing. All because I was gonna SHOW HIM. For a smart girl, I sure could act stupid sometimes. lol

Don't get me wrong, now...the car was fine. And yeah, it was pretty and fun for a while, although I do remember it having this "quirk" about not being able to sit still with the a/c on *rolling eyes*. My ex ended up getting it when we separated. Ha! How's that for irony?

What was my point again? Oh yeah :) I have a gazillion examples like that where I let that DEEGO get me into trouble, or preventable conundrums, at the least.

Thus, my challenge for today...

Dear Self, Dear You, Dear Whomever Cares to Try:

"Are you deciding/doing/saying whatever it is just so you can SHOW somebody a thing or two? Even if only yourself? Are you knocking yourself out for something and can't even remember the real reason why you wanted it in the first place? Are you expending precious time and energy clenching your teeth and digging your heels in when you could be walking on the beach eating a blueberry scone instead?"

I say we SHOW THOSE DEEGOS WHAT'S UP! :D

As My Stepdad Would Say....

2010-05-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

...someone had to be me
and I'm so glad I got to be the one...

All dressed up and...

somewhere VERY IMPORTANT to go! :D

Today I had a date with two of the greatest healers and friends I know. You know the gig...chat, walk, laugh, eat, look, listen, oooo, aaaahhh, basically - indulge. Therapy at its best *smiles*

Then we came back to my place and relaxed on the back deck. It was such a nice Spring evening. The sky was completely clear and the trees were rustling overhead in the breeze. I love that sound! The birds were chattering, and my chimes were ringing like church bells. This was my view and environ as they gave me some Reiki (having gifted friends does have its bennies!) and examined my "wounds." My one friend asked if I have felt "supported" in my healing journey. This brought me right back to my first thought of the day today, which I didn't get time to write about...

*What's cool about MY life is - every morning when I open my eyes, there is never a doubt in my mind that - I AM LOVED.*

Her Eyes Are BLUE

2010-05-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

My Ego amuses me.

My random card for the day comes from Louise Hay's Power Thought deck. Pretty, isn't it? Swirly. Twinkly. Energetic!

But...why is it green?

LOL - that's Ego T talkin. Sometimes I just want to shush that girl up - tell her to sit her little self down and be quiet! See....SHE thinks peace is /mostly/ found in blues and purples. Isn't that funny? Aren't we humans just hysterical? Ego T wants to go right in to Photoshop and make this card blue (or at least a Caribbean-water shade of green) with a simple mouse click. Ha! Controlling lil thing, isn't she?

The flip side of the card reads....

"Divine peace and harmony surround me and dwell in me. I feel tolerance, compassion, and love for all people, myself included."

Well, I can certainly learn from that! And could stand to work on it! Got it, Louise Hay.

But...I still wanna change the color of that card! LOL

So, while I totally "get" the message of the card, the way I see it, my morning was delivered with an extra cherry on top today. That is....

PEACE makes itself available to us in many forms, in many colors, in an unlimited plethora of Divine ways...it is We who are limited, and that is only by choice.

What color is YOUR peace?

*Going against my own grain and typing (talking) about peace in GREEN! :)

I Can! I Can! I Can!

2010-05-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

all ready to go!

Ok, I confess...

I taught a class today.

Kinda sorta :)

Thanks to my chauffeur, Susan Custis, I hosted an informal gathering at All Saints today, and yeah, we did a few thangs ;)

Also, very special thanks to the All Saints crew for accepting me - just as I am - and allowing me to do what I love.

THIS makes me VERY HAPPY. VERY HAPPY DAY FOR T!

Leading the Charmed Life

2010-05-05T05:58:00.000-07:00

"Your home needs to be a reflection of yourself, not of your decorator or a design magazine." ~ from Creating a Charmed Life by Victoria Moran

These are my prayer flags. They hung between two huge old, oak trees, by my little studio in the woods for many years, until I could no longer repair the twine. They say the more tattered and worn they are, the better. I couldn't part with these. Someone was going to throw them in the trash. "No, no, no! You can't throw those away. There are a gazillion blessings in them!" :) I washed them, very carefully, with my hands, in the sink...hung them out to dry...and then hung them in my office. Cammie (not knowing) says, "You should have tried to wash those things, Mom, before hanging them in the house! They're all stained and dirty." Heh.

Truly, these flags epitomize me. Or, how I think of myself, I guess I should say. Honestly, the more I go through - the more tattered and shredded I become - the better I am. I really believe it. Maybe I should have taken this pic in the afternoon, when the sun shines in the window and dances on them. But, I know you get the picture, don't you? :)

You Can Take the Girl Away from the Yoga...

2010-05-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

...but you can't take the yoga away from the girl...

My random card for the day...I tried it on for size. As with anything, this became a yoga vinyasa for me, i.e......

Inhale - arms to the sides

Exhale - forward fold

Inhale - draw energy from the Earth

Exhale - mountain/Anjali Mudra

Inhale - arms to the sides

Exhale - arms to the sky

Inhale - draw energy from the Heavens

Exhale - mountain/Anjali Mudra

Either way I think it works. How could Compassion not?

Brostrom Recovery - Week 4

2010-05-03T16:48:00.000-07:00

4 weeks post-Brostrom:

last steri strip dropped off today in the shower (with a teensy nudge)
swelling - moderate
pain - tolerable
comfort level - eh, not so much. Sleep is no good.
walking - s-l-o-w, cautious, but fairly "even" with NB ortho on left foot
follow-up with surgeon in one week to hopefully transfer to ASO

WHEW!

Still I Rise

2010-05-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

The Back Button is Your Friend

2010-05-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

...just don't get click-happy...

While I totally subscribe to this idea about not living in the the past or the future, but in the HERE and NOW.....I do think the past is worth selective visitation. And, like anything else, it's all a matter of perspective.

I believe there's a difference between becoming comfortable in a Puddle of the Past (and yes, some people do seem to gain parodoxical comfort in their traumatic experiences), and a periodic mindful glance over the shoulder.

In reality, at 5:00 p.m. today, the moment I am in right now will literally be the past. And if, in each moment of our lives, we do our best with what we have at that very moment, surely -

There will be no regrets, but only lessons.

("There She Grows" - for Elizabeth*)

*camera still on loan.

The Ruminative Pause

2010-05-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

Surviving is important.

Thriving is elegant.

Redefining the Diurnal Motif

2010-05-01T06:59:00.000-07:00

(art therapy tools compliments of Elizabeth)

When I figure it out, I promise to let you know.

*should I fade out the screen? Meh. We all need the proverbial filters.

Connect the Dots...

2010-04-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

30 days and counting...

Two steri strips down.

He coulda made it a little straighter, dontcha think?

He may be a great surgeon, but glad he's not my tat artist!

Emotional Reflux

2010-04-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

When my Cammie was a baby she had reflux. I know...so what? ALOT of babies have reflux. ALOT of people have reflux. Buy some drops. Get some Prilosec. Hell, I don't even think doctors perform tests for reflux anymore, do they? They just give out prescriptions or recommendations and send you on your way.

But back then, reflux was a BIG DEAL. Well, in our case, at least. It took TWO YEARS - all kinds of tests, heart-wrenching procedures, hospitalizations, and more for the doctors to finally figure out that the root cause of her health issues (upper-respiratory infections, earaches, pneumonia, persistent vomiting and fever) was REFLUX, of all things. I don't think I slept at all during those two years. By the time she was finally diagnosed, she had ulcers on her esophagus and the first full year of treatment was solely dedicated to healing the damage that had already been done. A two-year-old with ulcers in her esophagus? *sigh*

One of the things I remember most about that time was when she was a little older and started eating "big people" foods. She would repeatedly cry and whine and say she was hungry. I would give her something to eat. She would throw up. This was a constant vicious cycle for my poor baby. Oftentimes, she would put her little hand on her chest and say to me, "my heart hurts." It kills me now, just typing those words. The doctor and I finally put two and two together and realized she meant she had heartburn. That was her way of explaining how it felt. "My heart hurts." Even now, some 20 years later, that brings tears to my eyes.

So, why drag up old, painful stuff like that?

Well, I was thinking about how sometimes people hurt our feelings, but we don't know how to respond or what to say. So we swallow it. Right? Suck it up. Gulp it on down, like a jagged pill. And there it sits. Our body responds by producing acids - like mini-pac missies, racing to gobble up the "gunk" - but then turns on itself, like an emotional auto-immune disorder, and becomes toxic to our system. We feel it - churning in our stomachs. We feel it - rising in the back of our throats. Swallow it back down, and the cycle continues. Sometimes we will even become physically ill from it. Regurgitate it, and more often than not, it ends up splashing some poor soul in the face who had absolutely nothing to do with it in the first place.

So, I wondered...

For those of use who don't know how to tell people they've hurt our feelings...

I wondered if we might try very simply saying this...

"My heart hurts."*

*No satisfaction guarantee, but it certainly beats choking yourself to death.

Motion Sickness

2010-04-29T04:20:00.000-07:00

I am willing to acknowledge . . .
the ups and downs of life need not get me down.

There are days you wake up feeling bigger than life. You are on a natural high! Then the very next day, you can wake up feeling helpless, hopeless and worthless. You may feel that if you had the strength, you would bury yourself forever. Both of these experiences are natural, normal and to be expected. They are what we call the ups and downs, the highs and lows of life. There are, however, some very important things you must be able to do in order to make it through these experiences without getting bruised.

When you are high, be aware of the commitments and decisions you make. Discipline yourself to avoid taking on more than you can do because you feel like you can do it all. Restrain yourself, knowing that even if you remain up for the next few days, your plate may be full, your days may be scheduled. Take your time in doing whatever you are doing so that you will not be forced to redo or overdo at a later time. Do not get caught up in the high times, allowing a good feeling to motivate you to take on things which could cause you to crash.

If on the other hand you wake up feeling low, lowly or low down, allow yourself the luxury of the experience. Allow yourself to remember that you are human and that life goes on. It renews itself each day, offering you the opportunity to do the same. Avoid the things you do to deny where you are. Simply be! Perhaps you need the rest. Be present with yourself and what you feel for at least forty-eight hours. After that, pick yourself up, pump yourself up, spruce yourself up in anticipation of the next wave of feeling good.

Until today, you may have questioned or dreaded the feelings of up and down that go along with being alive. Just for today, take note of where you are. Allow yourself to be there. Take precautions not to do or say anything that could convince you that this is a permanent state of being.

Today I acknowledge and embrace
the highs and lows of my life!

~ Beloved mentor and friend, Iyanla Vanzant ~

Notes to Self and others

2010-04-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

May I lead by example.

May I embody it.

May it start with me.

Sez Who? Websters?

2010-04-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

Thinking alot about this lately.....

Prognosis - Late Latin, from Greek, literally - foreknowledge. Also - the prospect of recovery as anticipated from the usual course of disease.

~ As defined by Tina - what "they" say (with all due respect); do any of us really possess this thing they call "foreknowledge"?

And also this...

Miracle - Middle English, from Old French, from Latin miraculum - An event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God

~ As defined by Tina - what I know we can expect, if only we believe.

The Little Yogini That Could...

Dear Friends - herein my humble offering:

Ring Around the Choices...

the poetess is silenced.

Bringin up the rear.....

So, ummmmm...

Hit me with your best shot

SOMETHING is STIRRING OUT THERE!

If it makes you happy............

Chronicles of the Stripper (based on a true story) by Tina

Lifescripts...

Notes to Self...

T-R-U-S-T

It's YOUR TURN to Decide

Ask me about......

Me and My Authenticity

The Luvvvvv Lens

Music Depends on Silence

Winged Subtleties

Troubled?

I Am A Beginner

Brimming

*Start *HERE*

wor-ship n. ardent devotion and adoration

Every Day, All the Way

I Will Not Die An Unlived Life

My Humble Prayer of Offering

"Giving Up Is Not An Option"

Does that come in seed form?

Wilderness

My Specialty is SQUEEZING. What's Yours?

Journey of the Wounded Healer

~ How to silence a poetess ~

"I was only sleeping"

Remembering and Celebrating...

Walk upon the Earth...

My Apothecary

Our "Ordered" Lives - Heh

Quirkles and Samskaras Go Together

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeze Those Lemons!

Gnomes, Leprachauns, and Cooking Utensils

SOMEONE's Been Sleeping in MY BED!

Enamoured

Aloof?

*Gasp* - Is She Going ------- THERE?!

How Are You and TIME Getting Along?

60 Days...

It Won't Be Long...

Lifescripts

Hope and Fear

Priceless.

My good friend and partner-in-crime, Lorraine, sayeth, "Great day to clear all your stones and crystals....place them out in the sun until the sun goes down then regenerate them with new intentions and prayers."

Stones...crystals...hmm. As with yoga, it seems there are some controversy and myths surrounding these little things. Some say they hold energy. Some say they carry healing properties. Some say they can be used in exorcisms. OK, I don't believe that one, but it's ok if you do :)

I learned quite a bit about rocks and minerals when I worked for an aggregates supplier. The gist of it is (IMHO, of course)...if they are supplied by nature, from the Earth, well, there must be some good to them! :)

In any event, there are also stories about how way back in history (and don't ask me when) the older ladies in a tribe (i.e., "crones") would etch symbols and words on the stones and gift them to the younger girls (i.e., "maidens" and "mothers"). Now that, I DIG :)

I also have some other little treasures in my sacred "toolbox." A turtle (one of my totems) to remind me to slow down. A bit of coral from the Hawaiian seas from my Reiki Master. An acorn triquetta, symbolizing the three cycles of a woman's life, and a very important sister kindredship to me.

Just my thoughts on a gorgeous Saturday morn...

And, as for me...well, it doesn't take much :)

Just some of my many treasures.

Life Strategy # 2057 - Small Stuff vs. OH WELL

Nature's Poetry

For "Brostrom Survivors"

Poetry in Practice

Her Majesty Obedience

All Rise

Proceed With Caution!

Our Special Day

Archangel Raphael Wears Reeboks Too!

Herstory 101 by Tina - with 1960's turn-the-page techno

My Ego is a Diva

As My Stepdad Would Say....

Her Eyes Are BLUE

I Can! I Can! I Can!

Leading the Charmed Life

You Can Take the Girl Away from the Yoga...

Brostrom Recovery - Week 4

Still I Rise

The Back Button is Your Friend

The Ruminative Pause

Redefining the Diurnal Motif

Start HERE*

Gasp - Is She Going ------- THERE?!