Music Depends on Silence

If you know me much, you'll know that I simply love Sheryl Crow.  Beyond being a remarkably gifted writer, vocalist and musician, I have read and listened to innumerable interviews conducted with her over the years, and I honor her willingness to share of herself freely, her authenticity, and her courage in advocating that which she feels most passionate about.

Having been perhaps the first in line at Dunkirk Walmart to purchase her new album, "100 Miles From Memphis" I slipped the disc into my car player with bated breath and listened all the way through.  I may have listened to it some 5 or 6 times since, but something kept bringing me back to this particular song.

It is a given that not everyone cares to dissect music the way I do.  Most are quite content in rolling with the genre of their choice and enjoying the ride.  I have done this for as long as I can remember.  Even as a teen, I remember playing songs over and over again on the record player (I don't mind dating myself) and singling out parts, e.g. only the drum beats this time, only the melody this time...more Octagon Peg-ish phenomena for the Tina bucket.

So, I was listening to this song this and wondering, "what it is about this song that so easily and fully captivates me?"  Soul-stirring melody, for sure.  Thought-provoking lyrics, yes.  But, that's not it.  No......what is it?  I close my eyes and listen once more, and come to this interesting conclusion.

What is so strikingly evident in this song is the way she harnesses her energy.....drawing in and capturing her own breath.......pausing.......and then deciding how to use it next.  Much like a lioness, who easily shifts at a moment's notice, from licking her cubs to warning a potential predator with a fierce roar lit from the deepest depths of her soul.   This is the essence of the Divine Feminine in its purest and rawest sense.

What a tremendous model for all of womankind!  Most assuredly, I will never sing like Sheryl Crow.  But, I do intend to practice this today...so, if you happen to see me pause for a moment...well...you'll know.

How will we choose to use our energy today?

Winged Subtleties

"Hey, nice lady.  You, in the Honda.  Pssssssst.  Over here.  I'm really hurt, and I'm flopping all around on this hot concrete.  I can't fly.  It's h-o-t.  Can you help me?  Yeah, over here........."

"Easy...easy.  Remember, don't touch my wings, k?"

"Aaaaaaaah...yes...much better.  Should I be afraid of you?


See?  I have a paper cut in my wing.  See?  I can't fly anymore.  I've been trying all day.  I'm getting really tired now.  And the concrete is burning the rest of my body."

"You're really nice.  Thanks for being so gentle.  Wanna hold hands?  I can feel your pulse, can you feel mine?"

"Listen, I don't have much longer to live.  Do you think you could find a peaceful spot for me in the shade?"

"And, before you go.........


Thanks."

Troubled?

An old friend contacted me recently to see how I was doing, which I greatly appreciate.

And, buried within our (email) conversation lay this simple question...

"Are you troubled?"

I'm not even sure she meant it that way, but more likely used it as a figure of speech.

But, that one, three-word sentence stopped me dead in my tracks and really got me thinking.  And, more specifically that one word - troubled.

My response read something like this:

Troubled?  That's an interesting word, and I'm glad you made me think about it for a minute.  Thanks for that.

Certainly, a plethora of troubleS - surges, thorns, storms, embers - are subject to swirl and threaten any one of us at any space in time.  TroubleS? Sure.

But, troubleD?  Whew.  If you really think about it, troubled is an adjective - a word that describes or characterizes, envelopes, surrounds, and maybe even becomes one /noun/.  Penetrates.  Seeps.  Permeates.  Saturates.  Maybe even - dare I say - controls?  All these words began to crowd my mind and yes, trouble (verb) me!  They  - those guys - the splinters, debris, embers, waves (life's troubles) certainly have enough power to bruise, batter, prick, and tousle.  But permeate or penetrate the spirit?  Wow.  I hope not.  Otherwise, I'm in big trouble (noun) and so are alot of others!  Of course, this is all according to the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Perspective According to Tina.  *chuckles*

So, knowing me, I don't need to tell you what I did next.....

trouble - noun -

A cause or source of distress, disturbance, or difficulty

Yes!  Yes, that's what I meant.

On the other hand:

troubled - adjective - 

uneasy, anxious, restless, worried, disturbed, 

beset (surrounded) by problems or conflict.

Just reading that makes me feel very h-e-a-v-y, and slightly claustrophobic.  You?

*sigh and whew*

Trust me, friends, it's not that I don't think despair holds a valid place in human emotion.

But more that I wonder how long one could sit in it before it seizes their soul.

Friends ~

May we not be troubled.
May our hearts remain pure and safe.
May the wings of our souls always be light.
May we be granted the strength and wisdom
to arise in spirit each and every new day.
And the unshakable confidence
to ride out the storms.

I Am A Beginner

Yesterday I was able to execute several balancing poses on my right foot.

Can you imagine what arose in my solar plexus and heart?!

When you are literally thrilled to the core, it becomes a challenge to relax and breathe.  

But, instead of hopping up and down on my one foot (which would have been ok too)......

I decided to try to settle in to that feeling and just allow the swirling energy to expand and radiate throughout the rest of my body.

Imagine a delightful, playful, fluttering, swirling vortex of energy in your center that you purposely allow to seep, trickle, and rise freely, wherever it may roam in your Being.  By nature, it will take the path of least resistance.  To me that means, the more I relax, the more I soften, the more I breathe, the further it can go.   Yes.  

Relax.

Soften.

Breathe.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.   

For just that moment, I feel as if I could balance forever...on one healing foot.  One beginner foot.  One baby foot.  A foot that is starting over from the very beginning.

I say to myself, "Maybe I could somehow capture this moment...this feeling...this concept.  If only I could...and somehow share it......"

Relax.

Soften.

Breathe.

When I place my other foot back on the floor, I realize...the swirling is still there. 

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Aaaaah haaaaaa.......

Suddenly, I no longer remember which specific pose I was in.  And, I kinda don't care.

I love that.

I. Love. That.

A remembrance - of WHY this is my passion - my joy - and my purpose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am 100% smitten with this "return to beginner" phase I have been forced into.  In fact, I think I want to be considered a beginner forever.  In this way, I am always learning and expanding and growing with my students.  This perspective allows me to release assumptions and expectations.  And grants us all blessed freedom.

May we always remain young, playful, child-like in our perspectives 

toward growing and learning.

May we soften into our Selves.

May we turn ourselves inside out.

For as long as we live.

Brimming

First of all - 6:30 is waaaaay too early for me to awaken on a Saturday morning!

WHAT is going on here?!

I wave the white flag and meander into the kitchen to make coffee......

What's that noise?

Oh my!  Are you kidding me?!

R-A-I-N!  
R-A-I-N?
R-A-I-N!

After all these days of scorched, crinkly grass and bent over plants, TODAY it rains?  Oh, No! I have some help coming to assist with our broken fence TODAY!

This has become a very serious issue lately, as my beloved Duke is as curious and mischievious as a dog can get.  It's dangerous.  It's worrying me.  There are thick woods.  There is a major road nearby.  There are other dogs and critters and people shooting in the woods (another story for another day)! There is ME hobbling all around the neighbor crying and calling for him.  Lather, rinse, repeat, multiply by 100, and you get the message.

So, the long awaited fence repair day is finally here, and now it is POURING outside?!

M-E-R-C-Y!

Now he is wanting to go out there - scratching at the door.  Great.  Just G-R-A-N-D! Everyone is asleep and I am in my pajamas.

*white flag*

I'll admit to mumbling a few choice words under my breath.  For crying out loud!!!!!

"OK, Boy, but you are going to have to wait until the coffee's done!"

I step outside, with him on the leash -
consider putting my shoes on, and then decide, why ruin my shoes?
Standing on the porch, I notice all of my little flowers and plants - dripping.  They seriously look delighted.  Relieved.  Grateful.
My watering bucket and some of the planters are literally spilling over.

"OK, Buddy.  Hurry up.  Stay close to the front porch so Mama doesn't get drenched."

heh.  meh.  NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

What makes me think a curious dog is going to want to stay within 25 feet of the front porch?  I coulda had a V-8 for that matter!

*white flag*

I give in -
walk the length of the sidewalk -
out into the driveway.
The air is thick.  Hot.  What's new?
Steam is rising all about my feet.
I am wishing I had my camera.
By now, I'm officially getting soaked.

*white flag*

I walk over to the side yard to see if that will appeal to him. *chuckles*

Something is different.  There is no resounding, crunchy, dead noise in response to my footsteps.  There are clumps of dirt and grass literally sticking to my bare feet.  One piece of my "were-bangs" is clinging to my temple; the tip of it pokes me in the eye.  Suddenly a wave of embarrassment rolls over me.  What if someone sees me out here with this wet nightgown clinging to my body?  I look around.  (As if I could actually DO something about it if they were peeking out the window.)  No lights on.  Nothing moving, except a few branches on the trees.  The sail on my temple bell chimes is slowly swirling - not enough to make so much as a single sound - slowly, quietly, gently, stirring...like a spoon in cake batter.

An unexpected wave of cool relief and release rolls over my head and trickles down my shoulders.  I breathe in the scent of this glorious sustenance literally pouring over me from the skies.  So clean.  So new.  So cooooooooooool.

Soak it up.
Breath it in.
Capture. this. moment.

By now, I simply cannot resist walking up the hill of our long driveway.  Funny how I no longer care if anyone sees me.  My buddy is soaking wet and having a grand ole time, sniffing around and trudging through the mud.  Clearly, this is a relief for him too.  He is in desperate need of a cut.  And his thick, wooly coat has really been bothersome this last week or so with the intense heat and humidity we've had.  He seems so happy.  The plants and trees seem so happy.  My feet literally feel happy.  My heart feels happy.  Yeah.  Light.  Cleansed.  Content.

Oh!  I forgot about the fence project.  Oh, yeah.  I'm supposed to be frustrated right now, aren't I?

I can't help but grin and snicker at my nincompoop Self as I head back to the front door.  Wow.  Whoa.  This is how we get soooooooooo wrapped up in the tangled web of our busy lives, isn't it?  So set in our schedules.  So angry when things don't go according to OUR plan.

Duke and I sit on the front porch.  He lays down, and just watches the rain.  I rock in the rocker and watch too.

The fence is broken.
And can't be fixed yet.
Maybe I just need to surrender.
Wave the white flag.
Walk the dog on his leash for a few more days.
IN THE RAIN.
IN THE SUNSHINE.
OR IN THE COMBO MEAL.

I feel different now.
I go to sip my coffee, and realize that the rain has splashed in it and cooled it off too.
My reading glasses, which had been shoved ontop my head, are splattered.
I dry my feet, arms, and hair with a towel.
I try to dry the dog.  He runs away.
I shake my head and chuckle to my Self.

I sit on the edge of the bed, and notice the breeze from the ceiling fan meeting my dampened skin. Goose bumps promptly arise.

And, I think to myself -
What a GLORIOUS way to start the day.
There is not a sound to behold inside this house. 
But if I stop -
hold my breath for a moment -
I can hear the raindrops splashing on the window pane.

Gentle reminders.

As if to whisper......

"Yes, it's true.
We sometimes go away for a while.
Maybe a long while.
But, we are still here.
To soothe
to cool
to cleanse
and comfort.
You don't always have to see!

Simply close your eyes -
and

remember."

 "brimming"

*Start *HERE*

Right here.


Right now.


Where we are TODAY.

Shall we?

There is something 

some-thing

utterly fascinating


enchanting


and over-the-top


about this moment


about this day

about now.

Something about it's awakening


stretching


reaching forth to greet us.

There is something about *here*

the remnants of old

the promise of new

together under the same sun.

 

There is something momentous about it

about life and death


holding hands.

Something about yesterday


slowly slipping 


through the cracks


until it is nothing


but a memory


a lesson


a drop under the bridge.

There is something about 


last year


and ten years ago

scattered about

like pebbles


tiny acorn hats


grains of sand


in the corners


of our mind's eye.

There is something

some-thing


about exhaling


a moment ago

And inhaling

now.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What shall we do?