These are the trees that were damaged in the absolutely HORRID Winter of 2009/10. They hung, in a severe state of scoliosis, for some six months. We finally got them upright and tied up a few months ago. The "tree guy" said it will take up to a year to know if they are going to survive.
I look at these trees every day. I nurture them with thoughts of loving kindness and encouragement. I examine their roots and wounds often to see if there's anything I can do for them. I AM their caretaker, after all.
In the end - I know it's not up to me - that part about whether they "make it" or not. But, I'm committed to doing the best I can for them while they are here, even as they struggle with impeded breath and broken limbs.
I've been thinking alot about that this morning.
All of life is uncertainty, isn't it?
Let me say that again.
All of life is uncertainty.
As humans, we get a little rattled by that word. Well, at least I know I do. Sometimes I wish it could just magically disappear from the dictionary. *POOF* "Uncertainty, be gone. We don't need you around here anymore."
If we really don't KNOW a damn thing -
if everything is uncertain all of the time -
why not just throw our hands up in the air, throw in the towel, wave the white flag, and declare it a loss?
It's like investing months of training into a 10k - showing up on time - running your ass off - faster than ever before in your life - finishing the race - and then...
realizing, you never moved an inch off the starting line at all.
What do I have to learn from looking at trees - morning after morning - investing time and energy into - *pause* - the irrefutable uncertainty of their existence?
What. is. up. with. THAT. Tina?
Sometimes I think that absolutely nothing will happen with those trees for an entire year. They will give me no sign of CERTAINTY. In fact, I would almost bet on it.
Some days - like today - they will look like they are gleefully showering in the pouring rain. Shining themselves up. Feeding their roots. Smiling, and singing...."ain't nuthing wrong with ME!"
Other days I suspect they'll look pale. Probably this Winter. Yep. Scraggly. Thin. Sad. As if to say, "what do YOU expect from me?"
Yeah, that's it.
What if we, as humans, shouted that question out to the Universe.
"What do you expect from me?
"What do you expect from me?"
"WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME?"
I don't know about you but, my Holy Universal Enlightened Voice of Certainty, does not respond over the loud speaker!
In fact, She's more like a wry-smiled mischievious sprite taunting from behind a tree......
"pssssstttt......over here........first ya gotta catch me! nyah nyah!"
I imagine myself grabbing her by her raggedy little hem, jacking her up a bit and saying, "Hey, you are MINE. Speak clearly. Slowly. And in English. You better straighten up and fly right!"
We look each other straight in the eyes.
And, very softly but assuredly She whispers,
"Do your best. Stand up tall. Breathe. Nurture you Self. Put one foot in front of the other. And, as for the rest - I got this one, k?" *winks*
How can I resist a face like that?